Dear Disney Executives

Dear Mr. Robert Iger, Disney CEO:

I LOVE Disney World.  In fact, I love everything about Disney.  I truly believe the Magic Kingdom is the happiest place on earth.  I have fond memories of my visits, from childhood well into adulthood.  I took a bachelorette weekend getaway with my best friend and proudly wore the Minnie ears with the veil the entire time.   I long for the day when I can take my kids and begin to share the magical experience with the as well.  To see the look on their faces when they walk down Main Street USA for the first time will overwhelm me with delight.  I will likely cry from happiness, and tears will be streaming down my face in that first monumental family photo in front of the castle.

We often watch your movies and television shows.  I dutifully buy your DVD’s and with childlike excitement the kids and I put them in the DVD player to enjoy with some popcorn.  And that, Mr. Iger, is where the enjoyment ends.  Immediately I am asked to choose “fast play” or “main menu”.  It doesn’t matter which choice I make – they both lead me to the same place: a ridiculously excessive amount of advertisements and previews.

I get frustrated.

Meanwhile, my children see the television screen come to life and start yelling, “Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse!!”  Then they see the first preview.

“This isn’t Mickey!” the three-and-a-half-year old yells.

The Clubhouse gang

The Clubhouse gang

“Micka Moss???” chimes in the two year old.

I explain that I am trying to fast forward through this part and get to Mickey; Disney, however, seems to have put a block on my ability to do so.  That little red circle with the line through it appears in the corner of my screen and I cringe.

I frantically press the button. My toddlers – all toddlers – have little patience.  They were promised Mickey and they want him now.  Right now!  Immediately!  I start to sweat, “When will this Lion King preview just END?” I mumble under my breath.

“Lion King, I don’t want the Lion King!!”  The older one begins to panic.

The two-year-old begins to cry from the scene of frustration unfolding in front of her.

“Mickey, Mickey, MICKEY!!!!” I now have two children that are beside themselves because ten minutes ago I promised them Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and they are still watching a commercial for the goddamn Disney Channel.  My parental need to pop in a video and quiet my children down so I can get some work done around the house has been less than satisfied.  Instead, I am now left reassuring disappointed children that Mickey is sure to be here any minute, or hour, while simultaneously attempting to continue the fast forwarding process.  When the show finally comes on I need a break myself, chores are now the last thing on my mind.

This does not make me want to continue to buy your DVD’s.  In fact, I flinch every time my son asks to watch Fantasia.  I understand that this marketing strategy is a popular one, but you are marketing to parents with small, impatient children – please find a faster, more efficient way.

Thank You,

Man Vs Mommy

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