Dear Dr. Romance: He said I was a false friend.
Dear Dr. Romance,
I love reading your articles here and on Divine Caroline, and I always look forward to the new ones. I have a long time online friend. We have been friends for about three-four years, and I even felt I was in love with him for a while - and told him so. He said he wasn't over his ex yet, so I dropped it.
Last year, he disagreed with some advice I gave him. He said I was a false friend, that proved that I didn't care about him at all, and a lot of other accusations. I let it go.
When he was diagnosed with cancer, and I was by his side all the time, encouraging him to eat
right and follow the treatment he wanted to abandon. I went to his city so we could meet, but he didn't give me a single call during four days I was there. He told me he had surgery but he never let me know in advance.
One day I logged on Facebook, to message with a friend. He totally sniped at me, really aggressive and hurtful words. After an exchange consisting of explanations on my side and accusations on his, I was so fed up I stopped replying with explanations, and said if he didn't trust me, there was no point to this so-called friendship.
Then after a few days he sent and e-mail stating he didn't want to lose my friendship, I meant a lot to him, and I knew he boiled quickly and cooled off as quickly. I caved, and accepted to talk to him again. But it's not the same. Am I being stupid? Am I just someone there to do as he pleases?
Thank you for reading my blog.
I'm sorry to tell you that your friend sounds like a Narcissist, which is someone who can only see his own side of any situation, and is not emotionally mature enough to care about anyone else. He's using emotional blackmail on you. What I'm really wondering about is why you've invested so much time, energy and emotion into a pseudo relationship. If what you write is the whole story, then he's showing over and over again that he doesn't really care about you. He's passing time online, while you're taking it seriously. I'm really glad you dropped him, and sorry you caved. This pretend relationship is holding you back from developing a real in-person relationship. "The Fine Art of Squirrel Hunting" shows you how a real person nearby who will actually care about you, and "Where Is Love" helps you define what you're looking for. "How to Avoid Loving a Jerk" will teach you what to be careful about.
You need to stop living in a fantasy world, and base your life on reality, not romantic daydreams. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again will help you find true love.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.