Dear Dr. Romance: He's extremely jealous

Dear Dr. Romance:   

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 months now. We have a really close relationship and have already made promises about moving in with each other next year, getting married and having children. The problem is that sometimes i feel like i could'nt be with him for the rest of my life. He's extremely jealous, has a really short temper, If I don't spend enough time in a day with him he gets extremely upset and if I go out he gets angry because he's also extremely insecure. When he acts like this I don't call him for a couple of hours and eventually he calls me and acts like I did something wrong. Then finally he acts like it never happened.  I really love him I really do I just want to know if this love is worth
dealing with these behaviors forever. 


Dear Reader:

You're right to worry.  Your boyfriend is emotionally immature, and cannot control his anger and jealousy.   This is the pattern of a stalker, and possibly even a violent man, if he doesn't get help to get his anger under control.    He's trying to control you with temper tantrums.  The more control he gets (for example, when you live together, get married, and have children,) the worse his tantrums will get.  He's not doing it on purpose, he's out of control -- which is far more dangerous.  Talking to him won't persuade him to change.  You're in grave danger of being abused, and so will your children be.  You need to insist that he get himself into an anger management program BEFORE you move in with him, marry him, or have children with him.  Otherwise, you'll be a prisoner in your own house.  You've seen all the stories on the news about men who are charming and sweet in public, or when they want something, and then rageful and abusive when you're alone with them.  Don't fall for his charming side -- make sure he gets help. 
You cannot help him.  Go to the Domestic Violence Hotline Website at  and read the information.  You can find help for yourself and for him there.

I'm so glad you're thinking about this -- please don't fall into this trap. Read "How to Keep Yourself Out of a Violent Relationship"   "Setting Boundaries and Saying No"  and"Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" Get help for yourself, whether your boyfriend wants to go or not.  My books, Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage and How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free will teach you more effective relationship skills.

 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. "Dr.Romance" http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog/ http://www.tinatessina.com tina@tinatessina.com http://www.twitter.com/tinatessina http://www.facebook.com/tinatessina

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