Dear Dr. Romance: How Can I Let Him Go?
By Tina B. Tessina on December 30, 2012
Dear Dr. Romance:
I read "Letting Go Takes Love" and it really spoke to me. I am in a situation and I was wondering if you could give me quick advice. I feel the need to let go of someone because he basically doesn't know what he wants. We have been going back and forth with the issue over a year now.
The barriers of friendship have been broken long ago but he still seems uncomfortable with the idea of labeling it anything more. He broke things off with me about 2 months ago and we have tried to stay away from each other. Every time I finally begin to move on with my life he appears and calls or emails and then we seem to slip back into the previous mode we were in. I have made it more than clear that I cannot have just 10% of him and needed to stop contact for the time being so I could get the idea of us being in a relationship out of my head. However, that doesn't seem to work either and seems to make him contact me more.
Yet we never progress into anything more than "friends." I feel weak because every time he contacts me I speak to him but every time I am left feeling like I am missing something in my life - him. It is a painful process. Yet he knows all this and won't leave me be so I can move on.
I do not want to be harsh to him and take drastic measures but my heart cannot take anymore of this. How can I let him go for myself and let go of the hope that I still have that him and I will end up together? I am not ready to date other people and the thought of it terrifies me. I just need him to take the next step or to leave me alone completely for awhile so I can get over it.
Why am I stuck in the same spot and why can't he just give us a try or just leave me alone?
I'm afraid he's not going to leave you alone. You are backup for him, and every time you pull away, he'll come closer. You're going to have to be the "bad guy" in this relationship, and stop the contact from your side. He's got what he wants, you haven't, so it's up to you to put the brakes on. Block his phone calls, emails, and social medai so you aren't tempted to respond. Your whole life is in limbo so this commitment-avoidant guy can feel he's got someone hanging around whenever he needs you. You're making this way too easy. Read "Your Primary Relationship" for help in developing the determination to cut this guy off. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again will help you get prepared to date again, and find a man who can really commit.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
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