Dear Dr. Romance: I am in my forties, and hadn't had sex in years.
By Tina B. Tessina on March 17, 2014
Dear Dr. Romance
I am in my forties, and hadn't had sex in years. I met someone and we CLICKED. We had sex on the 2nd date, I know you can't unring the bell, and I'm betting that was probably a mistake, but there is a serious physical attraction between this man and myself along with the ability to talk and laugh about anything.
My daughter has figured it out of course and is not pleased, we've talked about it a little bit, and I've explained that there's a bit of difference between her teenage experience and mine. They haven't met yet, because I don't introduce anyone to my daughter until I know they are really going to be a part of my life for along time. What do I do????? A Single Mom in a not so Unique Situation (I think)
Well, if you hear from him again (and you may not -- often men who get sex right away pigeonhole the relationship into the "sex only" slot, and disappear.) you need to start over from the beginning.
First tell yourself that you're going too fast. I'm so sorry your daughter "figured it out" -- it's a bad role model for her. I'm guessing you talked too much about him and how excited you were. That's OK for your adult girlfriends, but it should not be a topic of conversation between you and your teenager. Your love life is your business, and shouldn't be a topic for conversation for your child. "Dating Guidelines for Single Parents" will help you be appropriate with your daughter.
Slow down. Getting this excited this soon usually dooms a relationship. You don't know this guy, he could be a con artist. "10 Reasons For Not Falling in Love" will help you calm down about what you're doing. The Fine Art of “Squirrel Hunting” gives clear guidelines for successful dating.
If he does call, tell him you made a mistake, that was too fast for you, and you want to slow things down. If he's really interested in you, not just in sex, he'll accept that. But, don't expect him to be the one to say "no." That's your job. If you don't want to drag yourself through the misery of a broken relationship, pay attention to what you're doing. "How to Avoid Loving a Jerk"will help you understand the difference between a good guy and a bad guy.
You are in a changing time of your life, and "Decisions After Forty: Reinventing the Rest of Your Life" will help you make better decisions on many different levels.
The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make after Forty contains a number of journaling exercises to help you understand all the ways you can redevelop your life and lifestyle at this stage.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.