Dear Dr. Romance: I just miss her a lot
Dear Dr. Romance:
I found your article about women dating younger men. So, here I'm in a middle of a crisis... hope you can read it and hope you can give some advise. I'm 30, with a promising carreer and a stable job.
A year ago, I met a woman, who's seven years older and has 3 kids. I've been dating her since then... we shared EVERYTHING, she used to be my best friend, my partner, my lover and the only one who can makes me breathless... Yes, im in love!!!
So, the last moth everything just finished, without a reason just told me she needed some time. And here I'm... hopeless. Sometimes I think she found someone else and doesn't dare to tell me. And I don't understand why... I used to be her support, emotional and financially.... just took care of everything, I mean everything.
I don't have to tell you how do I feel... I'm not in the mood to work, to spend time with my friends... just miss her a lot... A LOT!! Anyway, Im just looking for a professional opnion.
Seven years isnt' that big an age gap, no matter who's older. Without talking to your girlfriend, I can't be positive, but I'm guessing she is feeling smothered. Is it possible that she thinks you're trying to control her by sharing all her time, and giving her so much? If she's tried to talk to you about that, it may have been subtle, because she didn't want to hurt your feelings -- but if you didn't get it, then she probably felt she had no other option than to ask for 'space.'
Your best bet is to get on with your life, and give her more space than she's asking for. Let her make the next several moves. When she contacts you, and she will -- don't go running back until the two of you have discussed how to repair the relationship, and you know what she wants and doesn't want from you. You can't create a loving relationship all by yourself. The two of you have to be equally involved, and have equal say if you want the relationship to work.
"Stupid Cupid" will give you guidelines for discussing the important points of relationships, and "Couples Can Cooperate For Success" will show you how to make a more equal relationship. Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences will give you exercises and formats for discussions which will help you understand each other.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.