Dear Dr. Romance: Though we slept together while his wife was away, I regretted it
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am a woman in my mid-twenties from India and working in the middle east in a professional job. I had a brief arranged marriage and am now getting divorced. One of my business clients, who is an arab and over forty has been married for many years but claims his marriage is ending says he loves me.
The problem is he always talks about sex. At work he is concerned about me, and talks about work matters, but when we are alone he just talks abt sex and nothing else. I feel weird because i have something for this guy and was never into it for sex. Though we slept once together when his wife was away, I regretted it later although I enjoyed it and craved it sometimes. He is helpful if I have a flat tire or need some help, but otherwise he never misses a chance to grab my boobs or back and squeeze me.
When I try to talk to him about marrying me, he says his religion doesn't allow it and life is not about marrying. When I tell him its time to settle down and have a family, he says home is about having someone to love and care for, and that doesnt require marriage.
I find it all weird. I care about this man. I tried to forget and move on, but it's not happening. Can you help me pls?
This sounds like a dangerous man to me. He may be there when you have a flat tire, but otherwise, he treats you without respect. This is one of the dangers of having sex too soon, or with a married man. He lost respect for you, and just wants to have his way with you. Don't believe his marriage is ending, and don't stay involved with him. He's been very clear about not wanting to marry you, and you know it. Find another way to deal with your flat tires and car problems.
Middle Eastern culture is tough on women, so be very careful who you date. You need to care about yourself, and treat yourself with respect, to get respect from men. I think you have been rather sheltered, through your arranged marriage. Now that you're on your own, and away from home, you have to grow up fast. You're obviously very intelligent, but somewhat naïve emotionally. "You Be the Judge" and "Your Primary Relationship" will help you learn how to respect yourself and not rely on disrespectful men. If you're going to be out in the larger world, you need to be wise and cautious. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again contains steps you can follow to begin successful and safe dating.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.