Dear Dr. Romance: What Does Fighting in a Relationship Mean?

Dear Dr. Romance:

Ok. So my boyfriend and I are 11 months strong, but for the past maybe 4 or 5 months it has been on and off fighting.

From big and important things to tiny pointless things. I dont understand why this is happening to us.. why? How can this be resolved? I need help!

Dear Reader:

Every couple has to work out differences, but it sounds like you may have gotten polarized into competition with each other. Instead of fighting about who is right and who is wrong, switch your focus to "what are we going to do to fix the problem?" If he insists he's right, don't argue that you're right; instead, bypass the argument by asking "what do you think will solve the problem?" If he says it's all your fault, ignore that and ask what will fix it. If he wants you to do something about it, say "Okay, I will do that if you will do this." For guidelines on how to work problems and differences out without fighting, see Money, Sex and Kids:Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage and "How Not to Fight."




Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.