Dear Dr. Romance: Why Doesn't He Want Me?
Dear Dr. Romance:
I'm a housewife in my mid-thirties, married for 7 years, In our marital life i have never been satisfied, because our sexual never lasts more than 15 min. It makes me unhappy. I have spoken to him regarding this matter but he didn't take it seriously. I feel that he is avoiding me. In a year we have only been together for 2 times and only for 15 min. He is working permanent night shift and always claims he is tired. Sometimes i really feel that I need him very much but only get dissapointed. In the last two years, even though we are under same roof and sharing the same bed, there has been no sex. How can i handle this situation? I'm really confused and badly need a partner to share my feelings and emotions. The thing is he doesn't even have any affair outside; so why doesn't he want me?
Sex drive is quite complicated, so it's not easy for me to tell you what is wrong from your brief note. It's possible your husband's sex drive is not very strong, but it's more likely that he's not very educated about sex, or interested in it. It's possible he is having sex with men, or another woman. Complaining about it will not work -- it will just push him further away. What you need is a session with a therapist, Go by yourself if your husband won't go. You will get good information, and your husband will understand that the problem is serious. So, make an appointment, and invite him to go, but if he won't, go by yourself. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find a suitable therapist.
Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three things That Can Ruin Your Marriage will guide you through conversations about sex with your husband.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
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