Dear Dr. Romance: You're giving advice on what YOU consider normal
By Tina B. Tessina on July 21, 2014
I'm so sorry for your losses and your pain. Previous bad choices and difficulties don't have to ruin your life from here on. You can decide what your story is, you don't have to lead with the bad stuff. You have a heroic story, if you can only learn to see it that way. Overcoming past problems is a big achievement. Everyone has some degree of pain and shame in their past, even those men who sound perfect. They are just asking questions to try and get to know you. Not having money will not stop you from dating, you just need to be very smart about how you use the little money you have.
You may not realize it, but the person who's giving you the biggest problem in dating is yourself. You are so hard on yourself, you sap your own energy, so you don't have enough to fix up your life enough to be comfortable with it. Furniture can be found in thrift stores, and paint to fix up the furniture and your apartment is not very expensive -- a little paint goes a long way. But you won't have the energy to do it until you stop criticizing yourself. You and those girlfriends could get together and choose to help each other fix up your places, trade clothing, and generally help one another instead of tearing yourselves down.
"Your Bestest Friend - You" will help you sort out your relationship with yourself, and become your friend instead of your enemy, and it costs nothing. You can get low-cost or free personal therapy by callingthe National Suicide and Crisis Hotline for a referral to a nearby low-cost counseling center. I can hear your anger and frustration, and I know therapy will help. Once you've resolved your feelings about your past and yourself, you'll find you think differently about men and dating, and it will get easier. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction is available as an inexpensive ebook, or you can get it from the library. It will help you overcome your past, and build a happy future.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
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