Dear Farrah: Don't leave Sophia.

Dear Farrah, 

I know you don't know me, and I don't know you. I mean, I've watched you go through your pregnancy on television (16 and Pregnant), then watched you parent your beautiful daughter, again on television through the show Teen Mom, so it feels like somehow I know you. I don't always agree with you, but I appreciate your spirit and tenancity.  

Last night, you dealt with the criticism from your parents regarding the decisions you are gracefully attempting to make for you and your daughter. You want to further your education, at your dream school. Most people never get that opportunity. Good for you for having the motivation to provide a better life for your daughter. 

I've watched you struggle with your parent's constant input, and I've watched you learn to stand up for yourself. I've watched you try to weave your way through the difficult years of motherhood, with not only (by choice) cameras stuck in your face, but having parents who insist on being secondary parents to your daughter. With no television cameras in my face, I struggle with members of my own family who believe they know better then me when it comes to my kids;  it's frustrating, and infuriating, at times. 

But the fact remains: I know best for my kids, and the reality is the same for you. Sophia is your daughter, and yours alone. You know her best. You are the best decision maker for her. 

Let me plead something with you, since no one seems to be telling you this, other then Dina, the therapist your family went to see during last night's episode:

You DO not have to leave Sophia in order to make a better life for her.

The idea that your mother believes that Sophia, during her developmental years will be in a better place by being apart from her mother, is absurd. I hazard a wild guess, that your mother Debra is asking this for purely selfish reasons. She speaks of your child like it's HER baby. Sophia is NOT her baby. Sophia needs to be with her mother. If you feel going to Florida is the right choice for you and her, then take her with you. Use your salary from Teen Mom to pay for a nanny. Find someone, but do not allow your mother to bully you into leaving YOUR daughter with her. 

We all struggle as mother's. We all do. We all have moments, and I assume single mom's struggle is deeper and tougher to trek through, but the reality is, we all share a common thread- our children. We would do anything for our children. I know you want to do what is best for Sophia, and the only voice of reason seems to be getting diminished by your mother's manipulation.

 Leaving her with your mother does not have to be an option. 

I hope that the season finale leaves me cheering you on for taking your daughter with you, and refusing to leave her in the hands of a woman who is having a very difficult time differentiating her roles in your life- she is the grandmother, your mother, but not Sophia's mother.

Take your daughter with you. Please. The damage of leaving her for however many years, versus a long distance move away from relatives is far worse then you can even fathom.  You'll regret it, I guarantee it. 

I bet if she had a choice, Sophia would tell you that she wants to come with you. Because, at the heart of all the discussion, Farrah, she belongs with her mother, no matter where she is, no matter what you are doing.  

Love,

A Concerned Closet Fan of Teen Mom  


Danielle blogs about daily life at Tales From This Side of the Mamahood, and about her journey as a birthmother at Another Version of Mother

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