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Dear KJ,
Wow. It's day 14 and I'm sitting here thinkering.
13 days of writing a post each and every. single. day. (1 per day for the month of December).
This is a big deal for me.
Guess why?
I'm not just writing these posts. I'm having to actually practice what I'm writing about while I'm writing. Go figure!
The first 10 Keepsakes focused on how to #mommy_our_hearts.
I've had to do that during this entire process of creating them. :)
See, initially I thought my goal was to simply blog a post each day.
Well, so far? I've blogged a post each day.
But guess what the real measure of achieving my goal has turned into?
Knowing I'm actually 'doing' the 'what' I'm blogging about.
Here's what I mean:
Recall: the focus of the posts was 'how to mommy our hearts."
Well, after the third post, I started feeling really conflicted within.
Why?
The voices of self doubt and self condemnation tried to take center stage.
I have a name for them: my 'not me' voices...the inner bully.****
Here's a bit of what it sounds like in thought. ( @me_tresha is me/@not_me_tresha is inner bully):
@me_tresha: I'm so grateful I've found a way to blog a set of posts about of what helps me mommy my heart.
@not_me_tresha: What if you've taken on more than you can accomplish?
@me_tresha: This will really give me a way to talk about how important is our relationship with ourselves.
@not_me_tresha: What if you can't fit it all into 10 neat little packages?
@me_tresha: I'm glad I'm going to post daily. It will give me a way to expand on an idea.
@not_me_tresha: What if you cram so much in each post no one reads them cuz they're so long?
@me_tresha: I am gonna just write in the way that makes sense for now. I know that as I figure out what voice/delivery method are more 'me' that I'll use them. But I'm not caving or scrapping or tossing this idea to the wind just because I haven't fine tuned the process.
@not_me_tresha: What if people think you're talking at them and telling them what to do?
@me_tresha: Here's to moving forward in spite of the 'what-if's because I'm counting the cost of 'what if' I don't try?
@not_me_tresha: What if people think you're talking at them and telling them what to do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So: here's what's worked in the behind the scenes:
a. I've stayed true to my goal even when 2nd guessing interrupts
b. I've discerned the voice of @not_me_tresha as just that: not me. (key to knowing it's not you= if it comes as doubt, fear, 2nd guessing).
c. I've stopped heeding it, even when it's very very convincing...because I know that my 'me' (our 'me') is my core.
The real "progress" to me to date is how I'm doing "behind the scenes" in taking charge of my thoughts and squelching the inner bully (@not_me_tresha).
When the inner bully blared "what if you fail" I've been gentle with myself and realized I would fail myself if I didn't try.
When the inner bully accused "what if you're seen as talking down to readers and telling them what to do." I've admitted that there's indeed a risk of sounding like I"m talking at readers instead of with them and that I'm definitely searching for a way to deliver ideas as more of an offering.
When the inner bully said 'what if no one reads these because they're too long" I've been protective of my thoughts to honor the original intent of being true to myself and following through with a goal.
So.
Today.
I wanted to blog some reflections.
And bam. There it was. The @not_me_tresha. And she sneered "What if the readers think you're dropping the mentoring_our_moments focus?"
How silly huh?
I never created any rules that said "I will only blog these 10 posts consecutively with nothing in between."
And so that's a small example.
But...being alert to the inner bully's what-iffing tendencies helps breaks the pull to consent to them and doubt our why behind whatever we're trying to do or be.
It's like I'm squelching the @not_me_tresha every single moment of this writing process AND the 'being' process--my underlying hope for anyone reading.
Kinda neat.
Thanks for listening KJ...
More soon...
Tre ~
Tre
