Do You Unfriend Someone on Facebook After They Die?

I don't want my Facebook account to be deleted when I die, what's the point of creating one if you just want it to be deleted when you're gone. My Facebook is like my diary. Deleting or deactivating your Facebook account when you're gone is like deleting all the memories you've shared with your friends and families, don't you want to be remembered hundred years after you died?

Just imagine how cool it will be when your grand grand children checking your facebook profile, photos, recent posts, friends... learning how you live your life, learning how you somehow become part of what they become.

Even when I'm gone I want my Facebook account to live forever.

(I don't know how long Facebook would exist, but as long as it existed =))

I don't 'unfriend' or otherwise disconnect from my various social media those who've passed on. When I am reminded of them I take the moment to appreciate someone who is still with me, and I take a moment to remember something positive my friend brought into my life - and claim that in her memory.

I've lost friends and loved ones, and they still live on in my heart.

What saddens me are those who pass and leave only a faint ripple - and few memories.

I have a friend I made when I was going through breast cancer treatment. She also was diagnosed but at stage 4 not stage 1 like me. i met her on the komen message board and she was always so encouraging and honest about what to expect and how to handle the emotions of cancer.

she passed away. it was so hard to watch, her last post she was stumbling with the words and i could read the effort she had put into just making a blog entry to update us about her life. there were mispelled words, sentence drops, all things out of character for her.

shortly before she got so sick, we had become friends on facebook. i had also befriended her beautiful daughter, hoping that i could help her with the same kind of loving gift that Gina gave me. support and love through the wires. now that she is gone, when i think about her and want to say something to her, i go to her facebook page and send her a message. it comforts me that i can do that. even though she is gone, her facebook page is a memorial where i can tell her i'm thinking of her.

I think I'd like having a place to go to kind of "check in" on a bad day or something. As for the FB messages, I never even notice them.

Mrs4444
Half-Past Kissin' Time ( http://www.halfpastkissintime.com ) & Mrs.4444 Cooks ( http://mrs4444cooks.blogspot.com )

There's a new service that's helping with social media after you die. they will post videos online for you after you die. check it out. cool

http://senotable.com

I haven't unfriended the friends who've passed. Thankfully, I haven't yet received any suggestions from Facebook that I "reconnect" with them. That will be hard for me to read. But I just can't hit that delete button.

I've also noticed a trend toward other family members taking over their profiles, occasionally sending reminders about their birthday or the anniversary of their passing. Frankly, it's nice to still feel their presence and it's nice to see how loved and well remembered they are.

I think I'd leave it up to my husband and kids to decide whether to take down my profile or not.

I like that "memorial mode" that someone else mentioned.

WEBSITE: http://www.ecomeg.com FACEBOOK FAN PAGE: Click Here ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/EcoMeg/162699791152 ) TWITTER: @EcoMeg

Recently I had an old high school friend who died and her fiance and best friend have kept her page up. The details of her burial were posted on FB so that all of her friends could attend and give her the proper send off. People still post things on her wall just to express thoughts about her (grief and just things they see in every day life that remind them of her). After a while I'm sure they will remove it after everyone has had time to grieve.
I think it's nice to know that we aren't truly forgotten after we leave this world (even if it may be on FB!).

Everyone should be able to opt in or out of those messages, not just the memorial ones but all of them.

And Liz, I'd totally want a Zombie Liz contacting me from the grave. Totally.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Yeah, Facebook should fix that.

Dreamwidth was recently working on a "memorial mode" so that when you die your account is preserved, and your friends can opt to see your birthdays, etc. or turn off that kind of notification.

I'd like to set up a special awesome zombie notification. HI!!!!! Remember me! I'm emailing you from beyond the grave!

-----------------
Liz Henry ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... )
Composite: Tech & Poetics ( http://liz-henry.blogspot.com/ )

lizzard@bookmaniac.net

What if Facebook changed the page to a memorial page and then rather than send the completely inappropriate "connect with XXXX" they sent a messsage more in line with thinking about a a friend or family member who has passed on. I'm not sure how that could be worded - but I think it could be kind of nice.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

But, we're generally very good about working with people to delete profiles that they want removed.

(We also don't send random messages reminding people to "connect" or asking them to help folks find friends for other members - who may or may not be dead.)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

will you tell your family what your hopes are, now that you've begun to think about it?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

there are also a lot of benefits to holding a memorial page within the community that the person was active in.

Moving to another site, specifically for memorials is like going to the funeral home - it's nice but it's not as good as the wake or shiva at the person's home.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I have this problem, as in just over two years we've already lost seven of the Mothers With Cancer ( http://motherswithcancer.wordpress.com ) that I blog with. The FB requests are sometimes inappropriate, sure, but FB is so young and has already acknowledged it's a problem, that I'm sure that it will be fixed soon.

And also, I'm not sure that being reminded occasionally of those who have passed before us is a bad thing at all. I know that when our dear friend Jen Ballentyne pops up on FB, I always take a moment to think about her darling boys and wish her ex-husband and them well.

Susan

http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com & http://motherswithcancer.com

Reading all of these comments made me think that it was time to make my wishes known!

Online Presence Will ( http://tinyurl.com/27kj54h )

Somer blogs at Merry Wife of Canon ( http://www.merrywifeofcanon.com ) as well as Smell My Plate ( http://www.smellmyplate.com ).

Yeah, it's pretty creepy to get a message to friend someone you know has passed away. Or possibly worse, get a message about someone you'd lost touch with, get excited about connecting and then find out it was a robot that sent the message for a deceased person.

What is BlogHer's policy for the BlogHer community?

Susan Getgood blogs at Marketing Roadmaps ( http://getgood.com/roadmaps ), Snapshot Chronicles ( http://snapshotchronicles.com ) and Snapshot Chronicles Roadtrip ( http://snapshotchronicles.com/roadtrip ).

Do you know the person managing the account? Is there some sort of message on the Facebook page that explains why the profile is still there, who is managing it and how it will be managed?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Or isn't it the same thing IF Facebook really does turn the original account into a memorial account? There wouldn't be a need to delete and start over in a group (or on a fan page.)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

But I also don't want people being reminded to contact me - or asked to help me make friends. I would hate that.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Strange you should mention. I recently noticed that one of my Facebook friends (someone I'd never met...like so many of my online Facebook friends) had passed away unexpectedly in his sleep.

I really wasn't sure what to do. I sent my condolences via Facebook. Then I sort of snooped around in other status updates to see if anyone had more information about what had happened.

When I finally decided to unfriend the person I noticed the deceased, or at least someone acting on his behalf, was still friending other people.

So, as of this moment, the dead friend is still a friend.

It's the strangest feeling...

Roschelle Nelson. Catch up with me at Inconsequential Logic ( http://www.inconsequentiallogic.com ) or @roschelle ( http://www.twitter.com/roschelle ) on Twitter

I think the account should be closed and in stead a group should be made on facebook, which the friends should join, in memoriam. The group should have the photos and important stuff the person wrote.

No, it was their regular page but they were letting anyone who asked, to join...so the only real difference was that it wasn't instant, I would need to approve and say "yes." Actually, everyone thought this was really "spiffy" and felt even more special that it wasn't simply a fan page, but rather, that he had let them be his friend. All his photos and posts were public so all could enjoy them.

-ekh

Just because my digital fingerprint is more likely what my family will have than an actual one. What did mommy say about me turning 10? Look at this time she grumbled about the mess! Look at all these people who responded when I split my head open crashing a golf cart or swallowing a penny.

Retro-Food.com

I am totally on it!

Retro-Food.com

Did you create a fan page for this person or was it a regular page? I hope it's a fan page because I'm a big fan of fan pages for celebrities and personalities. They can be tremendous living memorials for people.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I represented a major actor online and I did his Facebook page for him, with his input. He was an older gentleman and he suddenly died. What to do...

In his case, I realized that his large number of friends included people he personally knew, colleagues, fellow actors, and fans - and they loved him.

I had a lot of material left - photos, stories, commentaries he had written - and so I decided to honor his memory by continuing to post for him (after making it perfectly clear he had passed on and I was simply the "webmaster"). This was really appreciated by all his Facebook "friends" and it has become a place they visit, still post messages to him (we miss you; we still love you; etc), and they often ask for new photos or stories. I have made some good new friends myself with people who want to share stories with me personally and I share with them.

I even allow new people to become friends because, although they know he is gone, they too want to share or comment.

I don't know how long I'll continue doing this, but he was a dear friend and a stellar human being and I feel he deserves this sort of remembrance.

-EKH

I would never even think of this but if i had to decide whether my profile gets deleted after i die i would much rather keep it up to serve as a reminder to my friends and family.

Lioness Womans Club http://www.lionesswomansclub.com

Facebook doesn't really seem to work in this situation. It's very tough. But there are other services that have popped up recently. One that I came across a few days ago is called 1000Memories.com.

You can create a site for someone that's passed away and then invite family members and friends to share photos and stories of that person. I think websites like this will become more important as people put more of their lives online.

I don't think I'd be so troubled by just seeing them appear on the wall. I don't remove print photos from my house, when someone dies...

It's that crazy messaging from Facebook that gets me.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Certainly having social media spaces available for those who interact in social media is important. I've lost members of message board communities and having that online memorial really was helpful.

But - in the old platforms, we didn't get messages reminding us to contact people or help them make friends. That's the troubling part, for me.

And I am so very sorry for your loss. One of the friends I was just thinking about, as I typed this comment, we lost to Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. That was a horrible, horrible time. :-(

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

"Help Denise find friends." wouldn't freak you out if I was dead? Because not a lot freaks me out and that kind of messaging - it does. And it would really send me over the edge if I received them for family members or really close friends.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

The only reason TW even considered unfriending her coworker who passed away is because the message from Facebook suggesting she help {insert name} find more friends message was troubling to her.

If those messages make you upset or feel bad, and your only other option is unfriend... either way, you feel horribly.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Hah. No worries, I've got you covered.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I giggled with the "help me find friends" part. Perhaps the departed loved one needs help finding friends in the afterlife, but unfortunately Facebook won't help them. For those who remain is it awkward or not to see deceased friends on your friend list and wall. Would make a good conversation.

It's just one more awkward thing to deal with after someone you care about dies I guess...Life 2.0. Thankfully social media or anything computer related is not something I have to deal with following my Mom's passing. There's enough to navigate without a digital persona.

Paula Gregorowicz
The Paula G Company
http://www.thepaulagcompany.com

Learn 5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom ( http://www.thepaulagcompany.com/feartofreedom ) (free)

I am experiencing this right now as a good friend passed away 2 weeks ago after a nasty battle with Leukemia. I can't bring myself to "unfriend" her, I just, can't. And her husband and daughter have left her page up - most are using it as others have mentioned, to leave messages for her, tell her how much they miss her, things like that. Her daughter uses it quite a lot, it brings me to tears. I imagine they will take it down eventually, but I it will be a while, I don't think any of us are ready. I do like seeing her profile picture, it reminds me of when she was healthy and strong and happy.

I am not sure what I would want done with my accts. Twitter can go, but I don't know what I would want done with the blog or FB. Guess I have to think about that one :(

Sarah

http://planetjosh.squarespace.com

I don't unfriend, and I actually like those reminders. It makes me feel like the person is still close, even if rationally, I know that they're not.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Only one person I friended on FB has died. I will not unfriend her, mostly because I like seeing her smiling face when I look at my friend list :) You don't stop loving someone when they die, so I don't see a reason to unfriend them.

Erin

My Mobile Adventures *~*~* ( http://MyMobileAdventures.com ) - Mobile/photo blog | @BellTinkR

The Single Rider ( http://TheSingleRider.com ) - The fine line between "alone" and "free" | @TheSingleRider

I have an "if I get hit by a bus" notebook with my passwords and such in it but I haven't actually given anyone instructions.

I think I should leave Denise in charge of my BlogHer account. ;)

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

Delete completely. Since my husband is anti-FB, he'd never know if someone hacked me and created e-drama about my return from the dead.

But, yes, the person in charge would alert everyone.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

You've done so much to help women, while alive, that it feels absolutely right for the people you trust to work together to keep that going after you die.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I could see myself leaving messages on people's wall once they had passed away. Heck I leave messages on a friend's wall all of the time even though I know she doesn't have a way to connect to the internet - and may not have a way for years.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

They do have some processes in place to assist but I agree that they need to do a little bit better of a job with what they have and what they provide in the future.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

It's important! And it is important to leave really detailed instructions, particularly for those who aren't as internet savvy as you are.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I haven't yet stumbled across anyone who has done this - and stopped receiving those pokes. I've heard people say that they know someone who Facebook memorialized, but they still get those reminders to connect...

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

This frank, no-nonsense stuff is why I think you rock.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I like the idea of the memorial - but I really dislike the automated messages from Facebook telling me to get in touch. If Facebook really does turn pages into memorials and can eliminate them from those "pokes", I'd be all for this.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Maybe the person best suited to delete your Facebook is the one who shuns it the most. :-)

Really - delete completely? Do you want someone to notify your Friends prior to deletion, in case some of them don't hear that you've died?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I haven't had someone die that's on Facebook that I know of. But my aunt, Katherine Gorman, who I adored, died at the age of 49 from breast cancer several years ago and I've NEVER been able to take her out of my email contacts or phone. Don't plan to either.

As for me, I've given my best friend and my husband my passwords for my blog, and I've given them a list of people to talk to that should meet as a team and decide how to keep it going to continue to help moms with PPD.

Katherine Stone at Postpartum Progress ( http://www.postpartumprogress.com ) @postpartumprogr

Unfortunately, I've had a number of friends and relatives pass away since Facebook became communication method of choice. It IS slightly sad when Facebook is all "RECONNECT!!!" and you clearly cannot, but it's kind of nice to leave a note on their page when you're thinking of them, and see what others have said since they've passed away. It would be nice if Facebook could recognize inactivity and stop pushing the "reconnect" messages all the time.

Mrs. Jenna blogs at Blogged Bliss ( http://www.bloggedbliss.com ) whenever her job and offspring allows.