Death is Not Something I Want toTalk About With My Mom . . .

Death is Not Something I Want toTalk About With My Mom . . .

(Mom and I working on a jigsaw puzzle in the activity room at the care center)

Mom. 
 
Heaven.
 
Mom is ready to go to heaven. 

Mom talks to everyone who comes into contact with her about this.  Today the speech therapist came in to evaluate her and the first thing she said to him was, "Now I don't want you to do anything to prolong my life."  Mom can't distinguish between a doctor or a therapist, and assumes they are all doctors and she wants to make sure they know she is DNR.

When mom first began to talk about being ready to go, I would hush her and quickly change the subject.  I didn't want to talk about it and I wanted to believe mom didn't know what she was talking about.  I blamed it on the Alzheimer's and shooed it out of my mind.  Yes, I was in denial.  I have been in denial for a long time.

Since mom has moved into the care center I have had to step out o my comfort zone of denial and listen to mom.  Listen to what she is saying in regard to what she feels,  Mom is ready to go and she wants to go.  Everyday she prays that the Lord would take her home.  She talks about seeing my dad again, and how much she misses the man she was married to for 56 years.  She talks about seeing her parents again, my grandparents Papa Soles and Mother Soles.  She talks about seeing Jesus for the first time, and meeting all 3 Mary's.  When mom talks about going to heaven it is her most lucid moments.  She is so aware when she talks of this it startles me.  It scares me.  A.  Lot.

I know I need to listen to her.  I need to follow her wishes.  Honor her.  Respect her wishes and follow through on what she wants.

I don't know when mom will go.  It could be tonight or it could be in 10 years.  Death is not something we can put on a calender to schedule.  It will come in God's time.  In the meantime I am allowing mom to talk to anyone she wants to about this without interruption.  She needs to talk about it and I need to hear it, to remind me that I must do what she desires for herself.

This is by far one of the worst things involved with care taking a parent
 
Death is not something I want to talk about with my mom.

 Marileigh

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