Debt Will Kill Your Sex Life

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Then try letting your head go -— with all of that swirling and worry over debt in there -— to just be present with your partner intimately.  If you’re blaming each other for your messed up, pressure-cooker finances, then letting go is going to be crazily impossible, too.   What will probably happen is that we’ll try to be intimate, but we won’t be able to shut off our spinning, chattering brain long enough to feel safe, happy or content, or long enough to be really, truly, intimate.

That’s how debt kills our sex lives.  And it won’t get better just by talking about it.  Talking about it will help—it acknowledges the elephant in the room—finally—and that’s imperative, but it’s changing our behavior that’s going to make a genuine difference.  

So what’s a debting couple to do?  What’s feasible given that finances are tanking and it’s affecting the very bond that keeps the two of you together?

Get a Debt-Free Spending Plan.  Learning to live within your means—together—will be the most powerful thing you ever do to keep your marriage or partnership strong, loving, openhearted and free. 

My husband and I lived in debt for years.  Our relationship fell apart, and we didn’t come back together until we learned how to get rid of the credit cards.  The laundry list of bad choices I made in the early years of our relationship to keep the debt-train rolling cost me a decade-and-a-half of grief.  My choices were terrible.  I was miserable, he was miserable, and you’d better believe it affected our sex life.  Resentment was a regular, dividing force in our bed.

But today, because we live with a clear and debt-free spending plan, resentment is gone.  We have no money drama.  We have money choices, but we have no drama about it.  We have no pressure cooker that infects our bed and our ability to reach out to each other openly.

Instead, we have an open, discovering, fun, accessible intimate life, and a sane, easy-to-manage, thoughtful, generous money life.  We still don’t have a lot of cash.  What we do have now, though, is clarity.  Which means there’s no unresolved or unspoken angst about our lifestyle stinking up our bedroom.  There’s just easy access to the love we chose each other for.

Debt-free brings all of the intimate joys that living with a partner should bring.  Once we find the equilibrium of no new debt, we relax.  When we’re living together on our cash, our hearts and minds are filled with the love they were intended for.  And without that nasty debt-elephant in the hallway, blocking our path to each other, it’s a very short swoon into the bedroom. 

JoAnneh Nagler, Author

The Debt-Free Spending Plan:  An Amazingly Simple Way to Take Control of Your Finances Once and For All (Amacom Books, New York).  On,, and bookstores now.

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