Deciding to Date Online
By SinceMyDivorce on April 28, 2012
One of the many aspects of the Fit4Love coaching program that I like is that it's leading me to my goal at my own pace and it isn't one-size fits all dating advice. Joining Meetup groups might work for some but I just don't have time like that. I need to be more focused, more intentional and that's why I decided to start online dating. I'm excited that my Fit4Love coach, Sheila Paxton, has led me to that decision. She didn't tell me that's what I need to do, I told myself. Isn't that what coaching is about?
When Sheila heard my conclusion she was pretty excited, I think for two reasons: online dating would take me another step, maybe even a giant step closer to actually going on a date but even more than that, that I had made this decision for myself, signifying great progress in my readiness.
Choosing an Online Dating Site
She recommended that I try eharmony.com because its profile is very values-based and we've done a lot of work already on my values. She also said its system allows you to save your profile multiple times which means it doesn't have to be completed at one sitting. For the extended sentences, she suggested that I draft my responses in WORD and then cut and paste them. I could also send them to Sheila for input or to any of my Relationship Support System.
Sheila also mentioned the site Plenty of Fish might be a possibility although she was going to check with some other coaches before recommending it. POF is a free site although its navigation bar has an upgrade button - it doesn't take you anywhere unless you're registered on the site and I can't find an explanation. Anyway I have some concerns about using a free site. Since there's no fee, does this mean people are not as serious? Or maybe they're serious about dating but not about finding a committed relationship? Does the unwillingness to pay for the service translate into a lack of financial resources or miserly tendencies? Both of these would be deal breakers for me. I know I may be judging the site unfairly but ...
Sheila encouraged me to use my About Me photo on my profile and that's a good start. She cautioned about prospective dates who only have one profile photo - that's a red flag that the photo may be out-of-date. So to avoid being hypocritical, I need to get on with my photos. I have a friend who is also a professional photographer - she's is going to do them and in fact, she's thinking of adding a "dating profile" portfolio to her business. My friend recommends getting your hair and makeup done which sounds like a big fuss, especially as I'm not that comfortable in front of the camera but this is an investment in me. We're going to do the photos here at home and I have a few ideas for poses. She's given me some ideas for clothes ... something blue to highlight the blue in my eyes. Blue used to be my favorite color but oddly now, I don't have much blue in my closet and I'm not noticing much blue in the stores but I still have time to visit a few other stores.
Visualizing My Ideal Date
I wasn't really prepared for the next question so it was surprising the response I came up with. Sheila asked me what my ideal date would look like. I'm not sure why but now I'm thinking may be it will help me screen potential dates. (*laugh* I did write dates in plural there even though that cynical inner voice was muttering something along the lines of 'you should be so lucky'!) Anyway here goes: tall, at least 5' 10," stylish (no sweats), shoes (not sneakers), not overweight, clean shaven, clean hands and fingernails, a decent haircut - could be longish, doesn't have to be short, just has to have a style. I'm hesitant about locking in this image ... will this lead me to reject someone who could otherwise be a good match?
My online assignment this week is a quiz to identify relationship skills I need to practice. Haven't looked at that yet so more on that next time. I am feeling I have quite a bit of work to do before my next meeting with Sheila but knowing I have to report to her, motivates me to do it and that's another reason why this dating advice Fit4Love program is good for me.
Do please leave your comments with any tips or guidance on completing dating profiles ...
Disclosure: Fit4Love has waived the fee for my participation in the Fit4Love program but Fit4Love has no editorial influence or rights over the posts I'm writing.
Photo Credit: corbin1747
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