Default Friends & Friendship Divorces

I will be so glad when this year is over. It will mark the end of my friendship divorce year. In 2007 I was involved in 2 friendship divorces. You know, where you and a group of friends break up and in the end you divvy up who gets which friends and which hangouts and in my case, which jobs. Yesterday I switched over to my new phone which meant transferring phone numbers since they weren’t saved to the SIM card. Not only did I not transfer the people in previously mentioned emails, but I also left behind the people for which I am a default friend. A default friend is the one that you call every 3 or 4 months just to try to show that you didn’t pick sides in the break up. You only invite them over once or twice a year and only because the one that you picked isn’t there.

In my minor breakup of the year I am very confused as to why I am the default friend, I actually tried to repair the friendship not once, not twice, not three times BUT FOUR different times with no effort on her part. Even so, obviously people didn’t see the merit in this. I really only miss the friends that I lost in the breakup. I’m not even sad over losing the friend that I actually had the breakup with, she was hardly a friend. Unless you call someone who beats you up with insults regularly and steals your ideas a friend. In fact, when my husband first wanted to become friends with her on again/off again boyfriend (we left a party and he had already invited them over to watch a mutually loved television show), I was so upset. Once we were in the car I said, “I don’t like them, they have never been nice to me”. He reassured me that everything would be fine.

Last night got me to thinking about being a default friend and how I won’t do it anymore. Just a note to those who treat me as a default friend, we can be friends on MY terms not yours. I’m sorry but it just doesn’t work for me anymore. Visiting some of my oldest and best friends back home reminded me what true friends are and while you may be a true friend to someone else, you haven’t been a real true friend to me. I also have some pretty great true friends right here where I live now so I don’t need you to be a diversion for me. Thanks for the short lived good times but it’s almost a new year!


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