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Yes! I am still pissed off!!! How long does it take to get over this??? I am hoping that perhaps once the divorce is final and I can get some closure, I will be able to process all the emotions that are whirling around in my mind and heart.
I am mad at myself also. I can't believe I put up with all that crap for so long. I had my reasons, I guess; kids, not any marketable skills (since I stayed home and took care of the house/kids for 21 years) and fear of financial hardship. But I sold myself and my kids short. I have done both myself and my children a great injustice by allowing myself to be abused for so many years.
I wonder what I have taught my sons by staying with their cheating father. Will they, too, mistreat the women in their lives??? Will they think it is perfectly normal to be unfaithful to their wives? I can only hope that the pain they witnessed in my life from their father's infidelity will somehow influence them in a positive way and compell them to be just the opposite of their dad.
I also wonder what my daughters will learn. Will they see me as a woman who has finally found her own power and has said "no!" to the abuse? Or will they find it easier to accept the mistreatment from a man than to be alone? I hope they go the way of the empowered, self-confidant woman who doesn't NEED and man - one who has a man because she WANTS a man...
More later...
Process it as it comes
rebellious thinker August 14, 2008 - 3:27am
LainieD,
I'm so sorry that you have to be going through this. As you are doing, there's no time like the present to start working on your future. As the mother of two daughters who have witnessed their father put their mother down in front of them countless times, I, too, hope that their lesson learned is to be strong and not put up with it. To remember that I said no and divorced him, and not all of those years of being a mat to him. But all we can do is live our lives, love our children and talk to them (as much as we can say and they can hear).
Laura, blogging about control, abuse, divorce, children and all the rest (what's left of it) at www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com