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It takes me a while to see all the movies I want to see. So it is no shock that I just saw the 2008 Helen Hunt/Colin Firth/Bette Midler film, "And Then She Found Me." One line in the film haunts me, grabs me by the scruff of the spirit and will not let go. "Dive in and blog me," it says. "Figure out why, later."
Helen Hunt, who stars in and directs the film, is about to undergo a medical procedure she both wants and fears. She is normally a prayerful Jew, praying over big events with her whole heart. Yet she does not pray before this procedure. She is confronted by Bette Midler - her birth mother with whom she has been recently reunited. Bette is unlike her daughter spiritually, but worries when Hunt does not pray. Finally Hunt spills out how scared she is, and prays the Shema.
- Hear Oh Israel, the Lord is One....
She looks at her mother and says, with amazed finality - "The Lord of Love and the Lord of Fear -- are One," and then has the medical procedure done.
That line won't leave me -- "The Lord of Love and the Lord of Fear -- are One". I am not proposing that Helen Hunt is a theologian, but some deep truth is in that phrase. Let's assume that God is one -- that whatever notion you have about a higher power is a unity, a single energy.
Bear with me as I wander through what this might mean. Please chime in with comments later.
I think we too often think we can only spiritually stand before our Higher Power in Love, not in Fear -- that we somehow have to be perfect, or at least serene, calm, well-adjusted to be spiritual, or to ask God/The Universe for anything.
We don't lay down our messiest self before our Higher Power. What kind of crummy offering would that be? I'm not attractive when I am angry, or screwed up or confused by life. When I cry I get all snuffly and snotty. I blow my nose and sound like a trombone out of pitch. I'm a smart cookie -- how vulgar is it for me to be unresolved, despairing, with no sense of direction? I need to fix that before I can face my God, my Higher Power, even myself.
Oh wrong, wrong, wrong!
The Higher Power in my life doesn't give a rat's patootie about whether or not I am all tidied up for a visit. God, The Universe, The Greatest Good, The Universal Energy Source -- whatever you call him/her/it -- does not wait for me to have my spiritual hair done, my life ordered.
In fact, I can throw my mess out there at God, my Higher Power, and ask for help. I can ask to be given a break, some help, some wisdom. I can appeal to whatever knows more than I do in the Universe at Large to help this messy, flawed, broken creature that I am.
It's odd, isn't it, that what we cannot ask of people, we cannot ask of God. It's hard for me to be messy in front of people. Emotionally messy.
Yet my dearest friends have seen me that way and somehow manage to still love me. And, well, DUH, could it be that God is the same -- that despite my flaws and failings I am loved even in the midst of them? Could it be that God is working through my dearest and nearest to deliver this message of love and acceptance?
I don't think that is a light thing to say. That I am loved by God even when I am frightened or freaked out -- well, it's today's miracle on my list of Events of the Day.
Should I have learned that in 1st grade? Probably. In fact, I did. But I forget. I have to learn this over and over. And so I chant -- I am loved, you are loved, he/she is loved, we are loved, they are loved.
Maybe you don't believe in the same kind of deity that I do -- s'ok, plug in the blank, the way you are most comfortable. "The Intentional Universe," "The Life Force," "The Higher Power," "The Earth Energy"....whatever allows you to know that there is something bigger than you out there. Now realize, because of that, you are not alone - ever - in any condition. You are loved, regarded as special, precious, and seen as
