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Nordette is a freelance journalist, published fiction writer, poet, and the mother of two children. She is also a BlogHer.com Contributing Editor an...
 
 
 
 

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(VIDEO) Dining While Gay: It's Legal in Some States to Refuse Service for Homosexuality

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Did you see ABC's show What Would You Do? hosted by John Quinones last week? One of its segments featured families with gay parents in a restaurant and a loud waiter harassing them. Despite the children at the gay couple's table showing distress, most of the customers observing remained silent, later saying it was not their business how the people were treated. (I wonder how many of these people think it's their business if a gay couple wants to marry.)

In the first clip below, Quinones says that in more than half the states in the U.S.A., restaurant owners may legally refuse service to homosexual men and lesbians. That information blew me away. It never occurred to me that restaurants could legally turn someone away based on sexual orientation.

The right to refuse service, even a refusal based on race, came back in the news recently with comments from Republican U.S. Senate candidate Rand Paul on the Rachel Maddow show. According to Dan Weigel, a conservative at the Washington Post, Paul's comments have been reported out of context, and he believes that Paul is not a racist. Weigel gives him points for honesty and says Paul was voicing a legitimate conservative view.

The segments from What Would You Do? include two adult women who grew up with gay parents. One shared that she used to lie and tell people her mother's partner was her sister or a friend so she could avoid being ostracized.

I looked up the information regarding state laws that allow the right to refuse service to gay people, but I did not find a document supporting the statistic from Quinones. I did, however, find this old case from last year in which gay men were booted from a Texas restaurant for kissing in public. The first comment on that post is similar to one in the ABC video. "Children need to be protected from abnormal behavior," said the commenter.

Here is a screen shot from the ABC segment of states where it's legal to refuse service based on sexual orientation.

Most of the states identified are in the South and Midwest.

Business owners who refuse serving gay customers for religious reasons are losing more lawsuits despite arguing that being forced to serve homosexuals violates their religious freedom, according to this 2009 Washington Post column.

But gay groups and liberal legal scholars say they are prevailing because an individual's religious views about homosexuality cannot be used to violate gays' right to equal treatment under the law.

In the following video, which is a continuation of the segment, Quinones says lesbians report that how people respond to them changes depending on what they wear -- masculine clothing or feminine clothing. I learned in a post at BlogHer.com that sometimes even lesbians treat lesbians differently based on what they wear. That was news to me as well.

My position on this is that restaurants should have the right to refuse service based on attire or behavior. That's it. If they want to establish a policy that says "No public displays of romantic affection by anyone," then do that. But don't pick and choose who can get frisky in public and who can't.

No shirt; no shoes; no service. O.K.

No costumes. Fine.

No tie; no dinner. Sure.

No loudmouth a**hattery. Yup.

No making out at the table. Acceptable.

No gays, no blacks, no Mexicans, no whites, Asians, etc. Wrong. Wrong. Double wrong.

I watched the premiere of ABC's What Would You Do? two weeks ago and was not able to watch it again until this episode aired. At first I was going to post the clip showing how people didn't question a white young man stealing a bike, but questioned a black young man. That wasn't surprising. What blew me away was the number of men who actually helped steal the bike when producers switched to an attractive blonde female as crook. I dropped that video, however, in favor of this segment.

Men being led

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Nordette Adams 6 pts

I appreciate your comment. It gave me a chance to tell why I think some reality shows help and others harm. So, I'm glad you dropped by.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

Nordette Adams 6 pts

If it turns out the people reacting to the situations are acting, then I'll agree with you. If it's exposed that like other reality shows, producers are going around whispering in the ears of the people who supposdedly don't know they're being filmed how they should react, I'll also say the show is too contrived. However, if it is as the show is described, that only the people they tell you are actors are acting, then I think the show is helpful. It gives Americans insight into how some of us our behave in certain circumstances and holds society up to a mirror. Looking in the mirror or doing introspection is a good thing when it helps us see what we should change.

I don't think there is anything wrong with us making judgments about societal attitudes, whether we think they are good or bad for us as a nation. To combat racism, for instance, someone had to decide racist attitudes are harmful and talk about it. That means somebody made a judgment and persuaded others to do the same.

Perhaps it's just how I perceive the show. While reality shows such as Survivor and the Housewives of Whatever are about individuals and their lives, and so people judge individuals, which is rather a small world and scope, I think this show is about the larger view. The set-ups reveal common attitudes about race, gender, sexual orientation, the plight of children, how people react to animals being mistreated, etc. Frequently, they create the situations based on events that actually happened.

For instance, the segment in which a woman drank too much at a bar and a stranger openly tried to lure her away was based on something that happened in New York. The woman was lured away and the man murdered her. People in the actual bar saw the man trying to lure her away, realized she didn't know him and that she was drunk, and they did nothing. Even when I heard about the actual case, I didn't think of the individuals in the bar as "what awful human beings," I wondered what in our society makes us think this is okay?

I especially appreciate that after watching behaviors that would cause any compassionate person to wonder why people behave the way they do, Quinones doesn't just give his opinion. He interviews sociologists and psychologists who explain why humans behaved that way.

They also blot out some people's faces. That tells me that once the clip is done, they have to get permission from people to show their faces. So, no one is seen who doesn't want to be seen.

Sometimes the segments reveal our kindness. Sometimes they reveal our ignorance.

While the experiments are not scientific, I think they give us something to discuss or think about. It's been my experience with observing America that attitudes that divide us and lead to injustice don't change unless people begin to question those attitudes.

I think the tendency to not speak up when we see people mistreated or criminal behavior allows the deeds to continue. For instance, here is a situation that happened in real life and was not contrived. After police shot Aiyana Jones, out come her neighbors to talk about all the stuff they observed that was wrong in "that house over there." Where were they when she was alive and why did they remain silent ( http://bigsole.blogspot.com/2010/05/dear-black-com... )? Ironically, the police were showing off for the reality show A&E 48. I don't think police departments should participate in such shows.

While I'd say we shouldn't condemn individuals for personal life choices that have nothing to do with us, I do think we have a right to and should judge society when it indulges or even encourages harmful attitudes, such as the attitude that lets many of us think it's okay to look down our noses at gay people.

So, I like the show, especially this segment because as I said in the post, it never occurred to me that in more than half the states in this nation it's legal to refuse service to gay people. That's appalling.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

Candelaria Silva 5 pts

I sometimes catch clips of this show when I actually glance at the morning news programs and I've always hated it because the situations are contrived. Even when the results are shocking, head-shaking, discriminatory, etc., the whole premise of the show bothers me. I don't like entrapment. I don't like the holier-than-thou pronouncements and analysis by the host, etc.
It feels like there is glee in pointing the fingers at others and judging others (after the fact) in the news media, reality shows, etc.

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

Nordette Adams 6 pts

The segment reminded me of how much work we have left to do in pushing our nation to its ideal.

Thank you for commenting.

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).

idealist 5 pts

I am so disappointed (but unfortunately not surprised) in the lack of support by folks in the restaurant.

You summed it up well in the beginning of your post - these people don't think it's their business to speak up when a gay family is being discriminated against? But they think it's their business to tell them who they can marry and decide if they have the right to adopt children?

follow me on my journey of baby catching and vagina inspecting @ Chaotic Calm: A life of love and medicine ( http://chaoticalm.blogspot.com/2010/03/nine-months... )