Dinner And a Movie

In pulling my boots up after a recent "man-skirmish", I realized that I have never “dated”. Not in the traditional sense, anyway, getting to know someone over dinner and a movie. I did, though, go on a “date” a couple of years ago, we saw a movie then got something to eat. But I had no clue what to do after that. Do we go back to his house? Do I wait for him to call? Do I call? What?! At the time I was going through a personal transition so I was confused about a lot anyway. I’ve endured a long string of bad relationships, beginning with my first boyfriend in high school, leading to an abusive ex-husband, and a handful of shenanigans since then, trying to “find” a good one. I heard something the other day, as true as it is with socks, I’m thinking it could apply to men too. “If you want to find something, stop looking.” Please don’t misunderstand, I’ve not been on some crazy man-hunt. I just don’t want to believe that all men are bad. I don’t want to believe that they are all dishonest with the same violent-ugliness and overall "bad-ness" inside them. So I’ve decided to embark on a “study”. First, I have learned and accepted the difference between “needing” and “wanting” a man. I don’t need a man; I value who I am and the independence I have established for myself and my daughter. However, in what I call my position of “independence”, as single mom, men either want to change me, be a hero or swoop in and take over the operation. No thank you. This last little “man-skirmish” was different and really threw me. He didn’t want to be the hero. He didn’t want to change me. He didn’t want to take over everything. What he did end up doing, though, is making "us" all about him. Here’s a quick breakdown of our demise: (1) I was having to constantly prove and show my appreciation for him. Of course, one should always show thanks and appreciation. However, with this man, nothing I did was ever enough; the more I gave him, the more validation he "required" and I figured out that I would have never been able to do enough to satisfy him. Our time together became all about me proving something to him. (2) Turns out he had been hiding a very violent streak, and I ended up with the brunt of it twice. The first time I excused it as an "isolated incident" – shortly, thereafter, I learned is that there is no such thing as an isolated incident. (3) Then, I found out that he was sleeping with mother. I did not see that coming. Is it really too much to ask, to just go to a movie, and maybe grab a bite to eat?? Follow me on my journey to "Dinner & a Movie".


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