Dinner Party!: Or, how I’m really an introvert disguised as an extrovert and bumble it up fantastically.
By survivelivethrive on May 28, 2014
So last night I went to a big ole dinner party and had lots of fun, reconnected with some acquaintances that I’ve known on and off for many years (holy crap I’m getting old), where I made some awesome social blunders that I fully embrace with embarrassment. (Which, by the way, I do realize cannot even begin to compare to the larger context of a 25 year old pregnant woman getting stoned to death by her own f-ing family in Pakistan or the death of one of my favorite artists and inspiration in literature. Maybe by making fun of myself, I can somehow manage my anger and pain over THAT, because my brain and heart clearly can’t handle that harsh reality at the moment).
So onward to embarrassing myself. It was actually a beautiful farewell and aloha to one of our group, who is packing up all her stuff, moving to another country for 1-2 years, embracing our shared past in discovering where we all came from. There were more people there than any event I’d attended over the years, some familiar faces, some friendly, some strangers, but all collegial. Except maybe I got a little too collegial with one couple that I saw.
Blunder Scenario #1: seriously sweet and loving gay couple--one of whom is a long time member of the group, P, who is funny, liberal, has hilarious FB postings, etc. Standing next to them were myself, an awesome, sassy young woman, M, and a metro type guy who outwardly is a typical alpha male douche, but inside is a softy because he is also a single parent of two girls (which is why I still hang out with him), J. M, J, and I had all gotten “secretly” married—in that we eloped on the sly with no real fanfare, then did the, ‘Surprise everyone! We’re married!’ on social media thing. Well, J is still technically under wraps because he’s having a big ole wedding in a few months with his wife's family who lives far away, but still, it was news to half the people in the room who were congratulating all of us. Anyway all these secret nuptials happened within a few months of each other, which was in it of itself kind of funny and hilarious that we were standing next to each other. So, considering gay marriage is now legal where we live and has been for a time, cue awkward conversation:
Me to P: So! Have you guys gotten secretly married like the three of us?
P (Awkward and slightly annoyed look at his partner): Um, no, not secret, we’ve been “out” for like ages.
Me (realizing lame ass awkward joke did not come across at all): Awesome!
Me (embarrassing walk back to my table). Le sigh. How could he know that I was attempting to come from a loving place—that my father and his partner died of AIDS in the 90s, when “civil unions” let alone “gay marriage” were less likely to happen than hell freezing over…? Yep, not my best moment. Because even though I have this particular tragedy as part of my story, I cannot assume that I know or can make light of another person's story, or that it gives me a free pass to be cool, i'm down with gay people card, or presume to know what it's like to be a gay couple and marginalized in that way. Le sigh, again.
Blunder Scenario #2: An acquaintance, K, who I hadn’t seen for over two years arrived, and I greeted her with a hug. She was one of the people who was ‘surprised’ on facebook by the sudden announcement of the nuptials. Back three years ago, when I was initially separated, we had taken the girls to the beach a few times—she has one daughter about a year younger than my DD1. Over the course of the dinner, she kind of shouted across the table at me, i.e.
K: OMG, did you get married?
Me <laughing>: Yes! So did M & J! We’re the secret married crew!
K<not really smiling or laughing at all>: So how did you meet your husband?
Me<picking up a weird vibe, not sure where direction is heading, so being a bit protective of my privacy>: Oh, through friends of friends.
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