Disappearing Stripper Boots... or Why Barbie Can Stay

Nice. I still won't be allowing my daughter to have a Barbie, but you're right, solid teaching and example-giving is way more important than whether or not she has a Barbie doll. I LOVE LOVE LOVE her comment about "where are her nipples and how can she feed her baby?" Stand up and cheer, Mom! You're doing something very, very right...

I am a woman who has struggled with body image all of my life. Now that I am a new mother I have been on the hunt to figure out how I can arm my children to take on the battle that I felt I was losing for much of my life. You know, the one where you feel like you aren't skinny, beautiful, tan, etc... enough. For me, I realized that I needed to start with myself. So it's something I'm working on. . . still. I chronicle my adventures at http://mirrorhealth.blogspot.com.

But anyway, I loved the things you talk about in here. The ways that you are teaching your daughter self worth. I have been looking for answers like this for a long time. I'm going to start implementing them in my own house. I would love to hear more from you about what you do to keep the focus off the physical.

I agree completely and you are setting such a strong example for your daughter. Love that Barbie is moonlighting as a dump truck driver.

PS...I had Charlie's Angels barbies and my sister was the lucky one with Cher! :-)

I can't remember having strong feelings regarding barbies one way or another when I was young (I had a couple -- probably a generic knock-off or two and, of course, the Disney tie-in barbies (Ariel, Belle, etc)...

but as a mom they make me nervous. I'm not even so worried that she's going to somehow lock-in to the "ideal" chest-waist-hip ratio as a two year old, -- it's more how the doll is presented, in most cases!

There's an "I can be..." series, for example. I can be teacher (Great!), racecar driver (...okay), Bride (... um. Yeah. You can br a bride after you get an advanced degree and establish a career and your own identity, baby!)

I mean, most of me knows they're ust dolls, and that I'm thinking about this way more than my daughter is. And I even bought her one for Christmas after she went nuts over a friend's barbie she had the opportunity to play with recently. But still -- yeah, those stripper boots have got to go ;-)

blogging with love at Unlikely Origins: How a Computer Geek, a Writer, and an Opinionated Toddler Form a Family. ( http://unlikelyorigins.blogspot.com/ )

I don't really have a problem with the boots. They seem to fit Barbie's over-the-top aesthetic - an aesthetic that I never considered aspirational growing up. To me, Barbie was just another doll. NO doll I owned looked like any of the real women (or girls or babies) I knew.

What DID hurt my self-image was not hearing that I was beautiful. I was told often that I was smart and kind, but I never heard that I was a good, attractive person on the outside, too! I went on to assume that I was a.) ugly and b.) wrong for wanting to be beautiful.

I think the damaging message - for all people, not just girls and women - isn't "beauty matters." The damaging message is the one that says there's only ONE way to be beautiful on the outside.

.....................................

Noelle is the broad behind Baby in Broad ( http://babyinbroad.blogspot.com ).

Barbies were forbidden for my girls because of the over-emphasis on beauty, and all that materialism. Both of my daughters played with Barbies at friends' houses, and eventually somebody bought them for the girls as gifts. I relented.

My grand-daughters have Barbie collections. I believe they are as much for my daughters as they are for the grand-daughters.

We parents choose our battles. Upon reflection, some seem more important than others.

Adela

Blogging at:

www.oncealittlegirl.wordpress.com ( http://www.oncealittlegirl.wordpress.com )

and

www.theblacktortoise.com ( http://www.theblacktortoise.com )

I loved playing with my Barbie and Ken using my imagination to create vivid situations and stories with my dolls. I never felt that my Barbie effected my self-worth or body image. Today for young girls the images that they see all around them on TV and magazines of perfect woman who don't look that way because they have been surgically enhanced or airbrush is more disturbing to me than a plastic out of proportioned doll.

I am ok with my girls playing with Barbie's. There's a lot of imagination play. If one day that changes, we will deal with it.

Is there a breastfeeding Barbie? There should be!

I love this post. I'll share it in FB. I try to make more vintage style outfits for my girls Barbie. She is getting interested in sewing this way.

Yes, the clothes contradict the positive message that Mattel tries to put forth by giving Barbie a career.
I'm trying to think of a job where skin tight sparkle leggings *would* be appropriate. ;)

Thank you so much for coming by to weigh in! I truly appreciate it!

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

I only had one Ken too. We only played with him when we had a wedding or a big date. In my eyes, Barbie could do it all.

Thank you so much for coming over to read my post again.
Much love to you!

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Thanks so much!
I loved that she observed and questioned. It gives me hope that she'll always do that when she's faced with something that seems off.

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Chloe, your post is, as ALWAYS, awesome. I hope they continue to get syndicated, as you DEFINITELY deserve it.

Sounds like you are doing a great job with Katie, she is on the path to becoming a beautiful, strong, independent woman. That's the greatest gift you can give your child!

Xo,

Simone
http://tastemakehers.com

Your daughter rocks.

And I totally believe how we raise our children will determine how they see the world around them, Barbies included.

That being said I never liked playing with Barbies. But oddly shaped Cabbage Patch dolls?? That's where it was at. :)

Great post!

Ericka Clay, Writer

http://creativeliar.com

http://erickaclay.com

I even got to play with my mom's 1959 Barbie and a few other early ones. I loooooved Barbie. I don't believe she had anything to do with my body image. But I do feel like Barbie represents something else negative to girls. Something more subtle, harder to grasp. I know she's supposed to be this role model of a strong woman able to follow any career or do anything she likes. But she's always... pretty. Even as a vet or an astronaut she's got her tippy toes and makeup. No matter WHAT she's dressed perfectly and, underneath it all, is still not much more than the model she was in 1959. I find this more disturbing than her body shape because it teaches girls that perfect beauty - that narrow, socially acceptable kind of beauty, not the everyone-is-beautiful kind - that perfect beauty is what they need to put above everything else.

I feel relieved that my daughter isn't into Barbies - she's an animal girl through and through - but if she WAS into Barbie I wouldn't stop her, I'd just keep the conversation wiiiiide open.

Bonnie
The Shape of a Mother ( http://theshapeofamother.com/ )
Zebrabelly ( http://zebrabelly.wordpress.com/ )

I definitely agree that she looks completely different than the Barbies I played with. I don't know how it's possible, but she seems so much more "plastic" than when I was kid. It's like she's been having yearly face lifts and lipo since the early 80s!

I didn't think I would have a problem with my future kids playing with Barbie, but now.... Maybe I will! Maybe my mom still has some of my Barbies!

Julia Andrus Williams

www.andruswilliams.com ( http://www.andruswilliams.com )

Thank you for your kind words!
Raising happy and healthy children is a lot more stressful than I ever dreamed it would be! :)

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

As a kid, I never noticed teh anatomical stuff. Honest. i don't blame Barbie for my own insecurities. I often think that folks look into that stuff a little too deeply. C'mon, look at cartoons, toys, dolls, do they HAVE to look like real, live people? I'm not looking at Disney cartoons for historical accuracy.

That said,Bratz dolls are the devil.

Domestic Engineer, Total Babe and SAHM

I had Barbie and turned out (relatively) okay. It didn't affect me one way or the other. I have a harder time looking at her as an adult and wondering where my body's gone! :)

Our Barbies never looked as, uh, cheap as Barbie does today. She seemed more wholesome.

I would've also made those boots disappear.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

I was a huge fan of Barbie as a kid and played with her much the way your daughter did. One day, she was decked out for the ball, the next she was a jungle explorer tromping through mud (literally in my backyard), another day, she'd be driving a race car. Now I have two daughters. One doesn't care at all about Barbie, while the other LOVES her. But she plays with them the same way I did and, like you, we do tons of other things to reinforce self esteem, inner-beauty, brains over beauty, etc., and I firmly believe all of that will have a much greater impact on how my girls view themselves than some piece of molded plastic will.

Though, I will admit I cringe at the some of the clothing Barbie comes with, but like you said, those things are easy to "lose." Great post!

Come visit my little zoo! Just please don't feed the animals or tap on the glass.
http://gavmenagerie.blogspot.com/

...happened to never own a Barbie (do I feel deprived, no...just never was much of a doll person), but my daughter has loved Barbie since she was around 3 yrs old. Relative to the Bratz dolls, which thankfully my daughter doesn't like because she thinks "they're yucky"--thanks to some, er, influence on my part:)-- Barbie is pretty conservative. For a while my daughter was in the undressing-all-dolls phase that all kids seem to go through, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that the underpants are actually part of the doll now. We really shouldn't be afraid of our little girls having Barbies, provided we make sure we talk to our girls about what beauty really means and how eating well is more important than looking like a Barbie doll. A doll is just a doll and for pretend play only is what I tell my daughter. I am going to be sure I tell my daughter that she needs to take the images of models and celebrities we see in magazines and on television with a grain of salt. Great post, and yes, I would make the stripper boots disappear too.

I never equated Barbie with beauty. My Barbie was always from the thrift store, stripped naked and possibly possessing a head that had not been part of her original equipment. Didn't Barbie's head used to come off? Pretty sure.

My Barbies were always clad in weird outfits I had fashioned from old socks.

And my Barbies always had rat's-nest hair that could not be brought back to silky smoothness no matter how hard you tried.

Sigh.

I do not know that this comment has a point, Nichole.

I really just wanted to say congratulations on this, your third post here on BlogHer!

So impressed with you, babe.

So very impressed.

Pretty All True ( http://www.prettyalltrue.com/ )

I think you said it perfectly yourself. A doll can't undermine a solid sense of self.

Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job of helping your daughter develop her own sense of self.

And I have to agree with you. Down with the stripper boots.

Booyah's Momma
www.chipandbobo.com ( http://www.chipandbobo.com )

Sigh. Crossing my fingers that she never asks for one of those.

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Thank you so much!
Barbie looks way different than she did when I was little.
Or is that just because I'm seeing her through a mom's eye now?

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

It's been a while since I've hit up a toy store because that Barbie? I barely even recognized her!

Katie's observations made me want to stand up and cheer.

Thank you for coming by, my dear friend.

Those boots were insane. Truly!

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

I hadn't thought of painting on nipples. Great idea.
My babysitters used to drink Tab and talk endlessly about how you had to be skinny for boys to like you.
Yeah, that is far more damaging than Barbie.

Thanks so much for reading!

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Second children have it made, don't they?

That's exactly it, she will be exposed to Barbie and other toys like her. I'd rather have her do it at home, where I can observe and use it as a teaching moment.

Thank you so very much for coming by and commenting...I truly appreciate it.

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Thank you so much for coming over to say hello.
I truly appreciate your compliments and your friendship!

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

I wasn't breastfed, nor was my brother, so I never saw my mother's breasts, but Katie sees me nurse Matthew and I think that she sees my breasts as just a part of my body.

That Barbie had some amazing stuff, didn't she?

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving your thoughts.
I wish I knew the magic age when little girls start worrying about their bodies, but I figure that by starting to build a solid foundation now, when that day arrives, we'll be prepared for it.

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

I loved Barbie, as a child. I do struggle with the whole body image phenomena.I do try my best to keep from mentioning negative things that I feel about my own body in front of my girls. We tell our girls that they are funny, smart, witty, and beautiful. I do feel that its OK to tell my girls that they are beautiful, as long as they know that that is not the most important thing about themselves. I have told them both since the day they were born, that they are perfect just the way they are.To me they are.In fact, my 5 year old has modeled. We were proud of her for wanting to do it,and not being afraid to do it. I took her because she said that's what she wanted and I never want to stand in her way of accomplishing something she wants out of life. I do admit that I had some reservations for the very reason you speak of. I want to instill in my girls that they are not valued for one part of who they are but as a sum of the person they are.I have pulled her out of modeling for now.She tried it, she did it but I told her right now, kindergarten is the priority:) You don't know how it made my heart swell when for a project at school,she was asked to describe herself and "pretty" was not mentioned once. Not because she is not pretty, but because she doesn't feel that defines her.Smart, funny, a good big sister, a great friend all came up but not her looks. I must be doing something right.And so are you!

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/

Hmm, Barbie. I have inner conflict when it comes to Barbie. Yes, I had a few as a kid. I don't think I ever really thought about her body or compared it to my own. She was a character. A fictional one. But now that I have a little girl, I look at these dolls a bit differently. Maybe not so much their body shapes, but the clothing. Does it have to be short and stripper-esque? Computer Enginner Barbie... skin tight sparkle leggings (not appropriate for my office dress code). Soccer Coach Barbie... a skirt so short she could barely walk, let alone run alongside the game. Doctor Barbie... tight knee-length capris (I have never seen my doctor's knees). Where is the sensible but chic career wear?

I so SO loved my Barbies as a little girl...although they outnumbered my one lonely Ken doll (those just were not as much fun to as for at christmas).

This post makes me smile because it's clear that you have taught Katie what is most important.

I loved this post the first time...but coming here and seeing it just makes it shine that much more!

Katie Sluiter writes about life as a working mom at Sluiter Nation ( http://sluiternation.com ) and reviews books at Katie's Bookcase ( http://katiesbookcase.com ).

You obviously do a fantastic job setting the correct examples and explaining what is important to your daughter. My daughter is not quite two, and I know that one day in the not-so-distant future, we will face a similar situation. I hope that she immediately finds fault with the barbie as your sweet girl did- I LOVE that!

Ashley, Mom, Social Media Developer, and Blogger

http://justanothermomof2.com

http://twitter.com/AnotherMomOf2

Your post really speaks to what it means to be a mother raising a strong daughter with a true sense of self! Good for you!

But I still say barbie is way better than a bratz doll

KLZ

http://www.taminginsanity.com

I loved this post on your blog and love it now! Can you imagine that THAT is what Barbie looks like now? My god...what is this world coming too!!!

So many different feelings about that Barbie...and I just love Katie's honest appraisal of her and her apparent inability to feed her babies! I wonder sometimes if they aren't just a bit smarter than any of us give them credit for.

But those boots? Yeah, I think those can wait. Even my 12 year-old daughter would be too young for those!

Great to see you over here again, my friend! Loved this post..

Katie also got some Polly Pockets, Strawberry Shortcake dolls, and some dolls for her dollhouse. They all get more use than Barbie does right now.

This Barbie came with a cup of hot cocoa and a plate of cookies and when Katie does play with her, she loves to pretend to feed her.

I suspect that she'll have phases where Barbie gets top billing and other times when other toys do. I am a big fan of things in moderation.

We'd love to have you over for a morning of Polly Pockets! :)

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

That's exactly it...you're listening as she's playing and if you should hear something that strikes you as off, you can talk with her about it.

I don't understand the clothes. At all.
Where does one find a modest Barbie?

Thank you for coming by and making me giggle.

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

I love that I learn something new every day from my kids.
They are so much wiser than we give them credit for.

Thank you for taking the time to comment. :)

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Thank you so much for coming by to see me.
I have a friend whose mother is always trying to encourage her to try one diet or the next and buys her gym memberships for Christmas.
But, my friend is so lovely. Her eyes shine and her smile is infectious.
I have to believe that her mother thinks that she is doing the right thing, but she's missing what's right in front of her.
As did your grandmother.

Because you, my dear, are so lovely.

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

For me, I was more interested in Barbie's clothes and house than in her body shape.

I could swear that her clothes weren't so trampy back then.

Maybe I should look for some vintage clothes!?

Thank you for reading and leaving a sweet comment for me. I do so adore you. :)

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

And that sandwich? Should be loaded with bacon. ;)
Thank you so much for coming over here to read my words...again.
You are such a lovely friend.

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Thank you so much for weighing in here.
I never realized just how much I would worry about everything once I had children.

I think, for me, the key is to be present, to watch how they're playing and create a conversation with them so that I can understand where there might be problems that need to be addressed.

I will definitely check out your post. I'm eager to see what your doll looks like. :)

Thanks again...I truly value your thoughts.

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

I learned to sew because of Barbie. I wanted more outfits for her so my Mom taught me how to make them. It was fun going to the store and buying scraps of fabric and trim.

Haven't girls stopped playing with Barbie before the body image issue rears its ugly head? I remember my babysitters smoking and using saccharin pills to stay skinny more than anything else.

So are you gonna paint on nipples?

Marianne at Mealmixer ( http://www.mealmixer.com )