Disorder in the American Courts

>

> Disorder in the American Courts
>
> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
> and are things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
> published
> by court reporters that somehow had to stay calm while these exchanges were
> actually taking place.
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> morning?
>
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
> all?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>
> WITNESS: I forget.
>
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
> you forgot?
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
> voodoo?
>
> WITNESS: We both do.
>
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>
> WITNESS: We do.
>
> ATTORNEY: You do?
>
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
> his sleep, he
> doesn't know about it
>
> until the next morning?
>
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
> ____________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> 0D
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
> 8th?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>
> WITNESS: getting laid
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>
> WITNESS: None.
>
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
> get a new
> attorney?
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
> WITNESS: By death.
>
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>
>
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
>
> _____________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition
> notice, which I sent
>
> to your attorney?
>
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
> __________________________
> ____________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
> on dead
> people?
>
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
> you go to?
>
> WITNESS: Oral.
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>
> ______________________________________
>
>
>
> And the best for last:
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a
> pulse?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
> when you began
> the autopsy?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
>
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing
> law

 

>
> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
> and are things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
> published
> by court reporters that somehow had to stay calm while these exchanges were
> actually taking place.
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> morning?
>
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
> all?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>
> WITNESS: I forget.
>
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
> you forgot?
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
> voodoo?
>
> WITNESS: We both do.
>
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>
> WITNESS: We do.
>
> ATTORNEY: You do?
>
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
> his sleep, he
> doesn't know about it
>
> until the next morning?
>
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
> ____________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> 0D
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
> 8th?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>
> WITNESS: getting laid
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>
> WITNESS: None.
>
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
> get a new
> attorney?
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
> WITNESS: By death.
>
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>
>
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
>
> _____________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition
> notice, which I sent
>
> to your attorney?
>
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
> __________________________
> ____________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
> on dead
> people?
>
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
> you go to?
>
> WITNESS: Oral.
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>
> ______________________________________
>
>
>
> And the best for last:
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a
> pulse?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
> when you began
> the autopsy?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
>
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing
> law

 

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