- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 2
-
Sparkle (0)
I like to think that my quirks are what make me unique. I know that
my pet peeves leave me teetering on the brink of flat out crazy.
Example.
When I eat something that comes in layers, I must eat them in layer
order. What? No, I can’t just eat a bite. I have to eat it in some
cosmically determined order. Let that sink in. Oh, you’ve never seen
me eat a Kit Kat or a Big Mac? Weeeeellll, it’s an experience for
sure. Let’s take the Kit Kat. I have to take off all the chocolate
first, if I can get it to come off in solid little sheets, all the
better. I then eat it one crispy layer at time. There are 4 bars to
the standard package and it can take me 20 minutes to eat them if I’m
feeling particularly particular that day.
I can accept that I will have a room full of people hanging out in
my nether regions during labor, I can nonchalantly shake off the fact
that my baby just heaved a load of hot vomit down into the cups of my
bra….I cannot just take a bite of a candy bar. I have thrown them away
before because they broke.
THAT is a quirk.
THIS is a pet peeve.
I have this thing about toilet paper. It needs to roll towards the
front. I waste extra toilet paper so that I can be the one to change
the roll to make sure it goes on the roller correctly. I have been
known to change the toilet paper in other people’s homes…and I like to
think that the next time they sit down to answer nature’s call they
will be thrilled by their newly arranged toilet paper. And it will be
the BEST. WIPE. EVER. Don’t judge me.
But this morning I was devastated to learn that the love of my life
is actually working against me. My beloved LIKES the toilet paper
turned towards the wall. He hid this character flaw from me for 11
years by using some excuse about the kids not rolling paper all over
the bathroom floor, but I can see clearly what’s going on. He is in my
brain, stealing my sanity.
When he finished with his explanation, I looked at him full of calm and peace.
“You do know this means we’re over, right?”
He nodded.
What can I say? We had a good run. I’ll miss him.
