Divorce: I didn't plan for this
By Bridgid74 on April 03, 2013
I'm what people would call a Type A personality. I'm an extrovert, and I really like to have a good time. But, at the end of the day when it's all said and done, I abhor change. I like structure. I like systems. I look at calendars months in advance. I try and anticipate any possible change. I make lists. Sometimes, I make lists for the lists that I need to make. I cross things off. I love crossing things off. I plan meals; I plan workouts. On Saturdays, the first thing I ask is "what's our plan today". (Obviously, since I already have a plan, this is a rhetorical question.)
I got married at 25, because that's when you are supposed to get married. I had a baby at 30, because it worked well in my schedule, and you should have a baby after five years of marriage.
My baby was scheduled. Her feedings and sleep were scheduled. I read the book on how to do it, and I carried it out flawlessly. Even to this day, she's a schedule oriented girl. So, yes, I'll go along with the Type A description.
Somewhere, though, I didn't plan for divorce. It wasn't in the plan, I didn't put it on the list, I didn't read any books on how to do it. But, yet, by 32 I was on the path to it. No one in my family has ever been divorced. I only knew one girl in grade school or high school that was a "product of a divorced family". I remember arguing with a boyfriend in college that no matter what ever happened, I would never get divorced. Ever. People in my family don't get divorced....especially me. I'm the peacemaker. I make everyone laugh. I can walk into a room and talk to anyone, I can diffuse any awkward situation. Everyone likes me! (Or so I believe.) Plus, I saw my husband's family, and it was a train wreck. Multiple marriages, step parents, step siblings, ex-inlaws, and the works. Who in their right mind would let that happen?
Me. I let it happen. While I was busy planning and making my lists, I ignored the issues. It was easier to plow through each day, do my tasks, check off my lists, take care of clients, take care of the home, take care of my daughter. However, the meaningful portions were ignored, were irrelevant, and eventually the issues were insurmountable.
For years I have wanted to blog about divorce, loss, fear, remarriage, strength, and stepparenting. I have hesitated because these are topics that people do not want to revisit, due to pain, shame, anger, fear, or countless other emotions. But it's important. It impacts half of the families in the United States, and I know that there are women out there that want to talk about it. So, let's do it.
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