By LisaMZimmer on September 12, 2013
I'm a 'fences make good neighbors' kinda gal.
I like my space.
If I were an animal I'd be a cat, with a meticulously perfumed border around my domain.
So, it shouldn't be surprising that I am well versed in boundaries. What they are. What ones I need. How to create them. It should also come as no surprise that because of this, I trigger those who don't have boundaries. I don't mean to, but it happens. When those who feel they can tred anywhere anytime, encounters another who has boundaries, watch what happens; it's usually not easily compromised.It can be, but sometimes you have to make your boundary known and walk away from the drama.
I spent a good portion of my twenties realizing my boundaries sucked.I spent a decent amount of time in my thirties paying the price for not being more consistent in the boundaries I was trying to implement. I entered my fourties knowing shit was gonna hit the fan, and boundaries were coming into play. I was no longer going to be a ping pong ball of emotional releases from where my boundaries were stomped on and I allowed it to happen.
I realized my role in trying to maintain a well run household, I became a micro-manager, and dear God, did I live to hate it!! I realized in my 'managing' bordered on 'control' and my borders were getting blurred into a maze of guilt and stuffing it, in order to maintain peace. I saw how I gave my power away, how I lost my voice and how my boundaries were a joke.
So, I changed. And, I pissed off my family. I began making them more accountable. I began delegating instead of just doing the task, chore, thing..because 'it was just easier to do it.'I began to demonstrate personal responsibility and accountability.I opened dialogue on this subject of respect and slowly, resentments of me 'not doing more' seemed to ease.They started to grow up.
I know that my boundaries may not be understood by everyone, and I am okay with that. I also accept that my boundaries are solid, and reflect my respect for life, others, soul and truth. I don't feel I need to crucify myself for another, and so my boundary with anyone is kindness. If someone doesn't treat me with kindness or at least respect, I tend to not engage. I find no need to put energy where it is a dead and toxic road.
So, when I hear people say that boundaries create abandonment;I say, boundaries create sanity. You teach people how to treat you, when you value yourself not to accept others to mistreat you. Love your neighbor AS yourself, not MORE than yourself~ you come first.