Do Competitive Sports Start Too Young?

Like your own son, mine adores soccer. It is his passion also. Even though I reminded the minute he comes off the field that he is only 8, when he is out there he seems 10 years older. Soccer has helped him develop composure as much as it has team spirit or ball handling skills.

We unknowingly fell into a situation this fall where he was asked to play with a very competitive indoor team throughout the winter. I was tentative at first because of the time commitment and because of the money (oy!). But you know what? Two practice a week (sometimes three or four because he's a goalkeeper) and two+ games on the weekend actually turned out to be the best thing for him. The season is just now coming to a close and he is oh-so-sad about it. He has learned more in the past few months than I could have taught him on my own. And I don't just mean about soccer.

I think it all depends on your child. We know our kids, even when we aren't sure that we do. I think that "not sure" part comes in when we are comparing, comparing, comparing. When we strip away everyone else in the world and just focus on our own family, the answers are much clearer. For us, it was the right decision, even though the time commitment was huge and there were certainly many practice that neither him NOR I were gung ho about.

Great article!

We've been blessed with great coaches so far and none of the kids seem to be showing any anxiety or stress. Parents have been OK for the most part, but I was really seething at a parent that put his son in the Learn to Play Hockey program when he was four and had no interest in going. By the end, the kid did fine, but he was constantly having to come off the ice for whatever reason.

In terms of burnout, that is a real issue when starting competitive sports so young. I know of several older kids that have experienced burnout and loss of desire to play.

Angela at mommy bytes ( http://www.mommybytes.com )
BlogHer Contributing Editor in Mommy & Family Cribsheet ( http://www.blogher.com/blogher-topics/cribsheet )

I really enjoyed reading your post. I am a 70's chick and I too, have a hard time understanding the competitive sports "thing" for young children. As a parent coach and therapist, I have seen increasing numbers of kids who are dealing with anxiety and stress issues, some to the point of interfering with their everyday life. Whether or not the two are related, anxiety and competition at a young age, I am not sure. I do know that the way parents act, (and other adults such as coaches teachers), about their child's participation and performance in sports ( http://www.myparentingsource.com/community/blogs/j... )and other activities, has a huge influence on how  children will grow and learn from these experiences. Sometimes when kids get started in competitive sports too young they burn out and don't want to continue when they get older. Sometimes if individual success is valued vs. teamwork the sport can become a breeding ground for bullies and elitism, among adults and children. If you choose to pursue competitive sports with your child let them know that they are valued unconditionally, not based on their performance.

 Does this mean I have become my mother? ( http://www.myparentingsource.com/community/blogs/j... )

 www.myparentingsource.com ( http://www.myparentingsource.com )

First of all, I think the emphasis of continual structured activities takes away a child's precious free time. Kids need time to just learn how to play with other children without the aspect of competition thrown in there. That's not to say that I am naive enough to think that there is no natural competition among children playing a pick up game of baseball or football in the neighborhood. I've raised two teen sons and know full well that is not the case. However, with "neighborhood" sports, there is always the option of sitting out the game or mutually deciding to do something else.

Secondly, I have seen so many bad coaches and volunteers who are involved in children's recreational sports that I became very wary of my sons involvement. There is the father of one of the players who always put his son in the game when other kids stayed on the bench. There were those coaches who encouraged "smack talk" among other teams and those coaches who pushed little kids beyond their breaking points both physically and emotionally. Which brings me to my third point.

With the obesity epidemic in this country, I am definitely in favor of exercise among children, but kids' bones are still growing and there has been a big increase in sports-related injuries among very young children. A healthy diet and normal activity level (bike riding, playing outside, etc) is usually enough for most children.

I came to resent the fact that once a child gets old enough to be interested in playing a sport (on his or her own) that there were so many other children who had years and years of recreational and travel league play under their belts already. It's almost as if you can't compete on the high school level unless you have had X number of years of rec league to show for yourself.

It seems like it's just another level of furthering the sports obsession and idolatry in our country.

AllThingsToNoOne ( http://www.youreeverwherethatimnot.blogspot.com )

I failed to mention that soccer is my son's passion and I would never push him forward if he didn't absolutely love it. It's true that youth sports start way too young, but the fact that he is gobbling it all up could mean that it is actually OK for them. We don't do it all year round, like some folks do, which I think is overboard.

My daughter absolutely hated soccer at four and a half, so we didn't sign her up for another season. She does like gymnastics, which is just tumbling at this age.

So as long as they still enjoy their sports, we'll keep them involved in it.

Angela at mommy bytes ( http://www.mommybytes.com )
BlogHer Contributing Editor in Mommy & Family Cribsheet ( http://www.blogher.com/blogher-topics/cribsheet )

they do.

I really don't think kids should do anything but play to learn prior to say... middle school. 

Adults have organised everything, kids have nothing left to think of on their own. The idea of impromptu neighbourhood pick up games seems a forgotten proposition, lost in competitive matches.

I've seen parents of 3rd graders get pissed and say rather nasty things to the opposing team's basketball team, leaving me embarrassed I was sitting with those from my town. Hell, I went to watch my daughter and the other kids play, and I cheered for every basket or good effort by a player on either team.

There is a time to play the game as serious competition, and that is after they master the essential elements of the game, learn to have fun playing the game such that they actually have interest in playing rather than viewing it as schoolwork, and when they are emotionally ready for that effort.

It is nice parents are involved and such, but it would be nice if the kids had more say and the parents had more of a watching and mentoring role. 

nelle ( http://refractivethoughts.org/ )

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llhaesa ( http://llhaesa.org/ )

I haven't really confronted this yet, as my oldest child is just turning 4 in a few weeks.  We've tried various classes for fun, but nothing competitive.  And she hasn't shown any real interest or aptitude in anything.  At this point, I'm worried that if we committed to something it would be for me, and not for her.  I'm not sure what I would do if she demonstrated real commitment to any particular activity at a young age.

We took one ballet class through our community, and some of the parents freaked me out.  There was a lot of "coaching" from the sidelines, a lot of expectations, a lot of talk about what their little ballerinas would do next.  And these kids were 3 and 4.  It just seemed like too much, too soon for me.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com ( http://www.strocel.com )

As a youth sports expert  I am often asked by parents how to decide when a child is ready to play
sports? What sports should she play? When is too early? When is too
late? .

While there are no pat answers to these questions and no hard-and-fast rules, here is some general advice:

Trust your intuition. You know your child
better than anyone else. It's okay to go with what your instincts tell
you are in the best interests of your child. It's the kind of thing
mothers have been doing for eons.

Consider your child's age, skills, and maturity level.
Most children aren't ready to participate in organized sports until
they are four or five (and even then, only on a limited basis). Experts
recommend against team sports before age six and that contact sports
wait until middle school. A child needs to have mastered basic skills
(running, throwing, balance and ability to track objects and judge
speeds) before she begins sports. Unfortunately, according to one
study, about half start without those skills. Your child is mature
enough to play a team sport if she has a long enough attention span and
enough self-discipline to learn from group instruction. remember:
Playing sports won't speed up the maturation process.

Get in touch with your feelings.
Watching a young child play sports will trigger your natural instinct
to protect and nurture. If you think you would probably rush on to the
field if your child was injured in a game, you may not be ready ( http://www.momsteam.com/node/454 )to handle the stress of your child's participation. And, wow---sports can be a stressful situation unless the family is prepared.
And, which sports to pick is very important, too. Ballet is wonderful and should never be a stress by the nature of the sport. There are many many ways for parents to reduce the side line stress.

 Brooke de Lench,

Author of Home Team Advantage: The Critical Role of Mothers in Youth Sports (Harper Collins 2006) and founder of www.MomsTeam.com