DO I love my body?
DO I love the allergies that plague me when I travel to pollen rich climates? No.
DO I love the overactive immune system that fights the common cold with such gusto that I'm am laid up for a couple weeks? No.
DO I love the bones that break easily? No.
DO I love the globules of fat that spread out around me when I sit down? No.
I know there is lots of talk about loving one's body, but there are aspects to my body that I just don't love. Some are a part of me and have perhaps taken me down a richer road of life. Some are far better than the other luck-of-the-draw things I could have been assigned. And some are a reminder that I am just as sloppy taking care of my body as I am keeping my car clean.
The allergies and the asthma and the immune system that loves to jump right in and fight any fight certainly played a role in my life path. I was always sick and I didn't really care for that so I began learning about holistic medicines and organic produce and co-op grocery stores and balance and yin and yang and yoga and tempeh and soy and tinctures and all sorts of things I never knew existed. Over the years they integrated into my life in a balanced way that has affected the way I view systems and relationships and business dynamics. I think I'm a richer person because I look for balance and common ground and a solution that will work - not a solution that will solve it, but a solution that actually works well for people involved.
When I'm hacking up lungs and depending on inhalers and drugs to breathe, I hate it. I hate it all, but it reminds me ever so clearly how much harder it is for so many others and how lucky I am to have something that has an end in site that consists only of a few weeks. That awareness has allowed me to be more aware of my own very small place in this universe and of the many other lives of others that I can't even begin to understand.
And my messy car? It embarrasses me. But I also don't really care. I do other things that are valuable and rich. My body is a bit the same way. I am not JUST my body and I am oh so proud of the things I do in my life that are rich and positive and creative and rewarding. I don't spend this moment in time out cleaning my car (unless the inlaws are coming), but I do spend it reflecting on me and my journey. THAT is more important at this point in time.
However, I still don't love the jello sacks of fat wobbling and dimpling around my rear. They don't look particularly attractive. They remind me that I'm not quite living the way I'd like to live.
Of course, these days I AM living more in line with how I'd like to live. The blubber fat is there, but it's not there TOO much. It doesn't prevent me from jumping or climbing or fitting into clothes. It doesn't prevent me from joining in on physical activities or spending time worrying about what I'll wear so that I don't receive looks from others.
I don't love it, but I don't think it's worthy of all my attention, nor of taking a role in defining who I am as a person. I think it serves to remind me of who I want to be as a person and as a mother and as a partner and as a hopefully healthy older parent and partner.
I think it reminds me that I need to get my butt in gear so that I have a healthy old age.
I am thankful for it, but I do not love it.
What I DO love is that my body is mine. It responds to me when I care for it. It gets stronger and healthier. It still has its wrinkles and it still has its splotches and blotches and jiggles and more wrinkles and scars and bruises and signs of being human, but all those things, I can embrace.
I love that my body is mine to take care of and, while I wouldn't mind trading in a few things, I don't know if I'd prefer the alternatives with the lessons they bring (or don't bring).
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