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When I was in my early 20s and would make plans to meet friends at a bar, I would wait in the parking lot until at least one other person arrived and we could walk in together. Years later, I can’t imagine doing that unless someone specifically asked me to meet them outside. I mean, what’s the big deal? Walk in, grab a stool, order a drink, exchange a few words with the bartender or a patron sitting nearby. Simple.
However, even though I’m comfortable waiting by myself for someone to arrive, I rarely go to a bar or restaurant if I know there won’t be anyone meeting me. (I certainly don’t think there’s anything wrong with it -- I see people sitting by themselves all the time -- but it’s just not something I’ve ever made a habit of doing.)
The reason I don’t go out by myself isn’t so much that I’m nervous or uncomfortable, it’s more about boredom. I equate having dinner or drinks as a social activity, so if I’m alone I’d rather eat at home so I can do something else at the same time.
In fact, I can think of only one time that I’ve purposefully gone to a bar alone. It was sometime last year; a weekend night where I didn’t have anything going on and my roommate was out of town. I walked over to my favorite neighborhood bar, and by the time I got inside it was already crowded so there was nowhere to sit. I didn’t recognize anyone and there wasn’t anybody standing around that I particularly wanted to approach. (Plus, grabbing a drink and immediately sidling up to someone to start a conversation seemed just a bit...obvious? Like I was desperate for attention?) Silly thoughts, maybe, but I seem to remember that’s what I was thinking. I stayed for about ten minutes -- long enough to finish my drink -- and left.
If I’d been able to get a seat, it probably wouldn’t have been so bad. A seat seems more like a casual spot to chill than standing in a crowd, sipping on a drink and eyeing the people around you. (And since I was standing, it’s not like I could distract myself by pulling out a book or something. I’m sure I took out my phone a few times, but this was before I had internet access on my cell so there wasn’t much to occupy myself with there, either.)
Another thing is, I tend to see guys sitting or standing by themselves much more often than I see a female doing it. It’s probably a huge double standard, but it seems more “acceptable” for a guy to be alone (but that’s probably just because I see it more often). I rarely see a woman sitting by herself for longer than a few minutes before she’s joined by someone she knows.
What do you think about going to a bar or restaurant alone? Do you do it on a regular basis or avoid it at all costs?
Related Reading:
Grey Street Girl spent the 4th of July weekend by herself and called it the “Best 4th Weekend Ever.”
I had THE best 4th of July weekend ever. And, I spent it all by myself, which is one of my goals on my big list - to get out and live life even if I might have to go do things alone. So, what did I do that was so fabulous? In addition to finding that cool burned out piano and going to the Hot Chicken Festival and the Farmers' Market, I also went downtown to see the big fireworks show...[I]t was so much fun - I had an absolute blast and got some practice taking pictures of fireworks, which can be a bit tricky.
Leonora Epstein at The Frisky: How To Go To A Bar Alone. Here’s one of her tips:
Make it easy on yourself. Give yourself a reason for walking into a place alone. Everyone has to eat, so find out where you can order food at the bar. Bringing a book or magazine will make you look more like a regular. If you’re in luck, maybe there’s a cute boy doing the same thing nearby. More and more, bars offer free WiFi, so you could set up camp to get some work done. Browse regional newsletters
