Do You Know The Blended Family Shorthand?

I will admit that it was only recently that I learned what LMFAO stood for. Maybe it’s because I prefer to speak in complete sentences, using actual words. I know it takes a bit longer, especially when texting, but I am not going to abbreviate ‘in my opinion’, with imo. Because I h8 abbreviations. And yes, I do like the feel of a nice Uni-ball fine pen on a crisp white legal pad. 

So you can imagine my shock when, researching blended family websites, and step-parenting blogs, I came across the list below. It’s challenging enough, living with a man who has kids, fighting to carve out my place in a family already in progress, but now I have to decipher acronyms?

What, in the name of that sweet little baby Jesus, is wrong with using a complete name? Are we in that big of a rush, that we just don't have the time to write out, or heaven forbid, say, Stepson?

I had my own ideas of what these abbreviations stood for.They're noted in BOLD.

    •    BS = Biological Son; Term can be used by a parent who is also a stepparent to describe their own biological children.
        Where I come from, BS always meant bullshit. As in, these shortcuts are bullshit. Although in this case, an abbreviation is appropriate because it’s not nice to say shit in public.

    •    SS = Stepson or Step-siblings; Term used by stepparent to describe a stepchild without identifying the child by name. Step-siblings refer to a group of step-children who all share the same biological parents.
        This is obvious... the SS... WW II... ring any bells?

    •    SD = Step-daughter; Term can used by stepparent to describe a daughter brought into the relationship by a biological parent who is now the stepparent's mate. 
        Just a ‘T’ away from sexually transmitted disease.

    •    DD = Daughter of (my) Divorce or Divorced Dad; Term stepparents use to describe a daughter born from previous marriage with the husband/wife they have divorced. Remarried individuals use this term to describe a person who has a daughter from a previous relationship. In forums and groups the phrase is mostly used by stepmothers.
        Didi Conn, “Frenchie” from Grease? Yeah, okay, that was a stretch.

    •    DS = Divorced Son, or Son of (my) divorce; Term stepparents use to describe a son born from previous marriage with the husband/wife they have divorced. Remarried individuals use this term to describe a person who has a son from a previous relationship. Phrase is mostly used by stepmothers.
        I don’t have anything for this because it’s asinine.

    •    DH = Divorced Husband; Term used by a previously married woman to describe an ex husband and/or to describe a current husband who was previously married to someone else.
        See DS.

    •    DM = Divorced Mom; Term usually used by men to describe an ex wife with whom he shares children and/or to refer to his current wife who has children from a previous relationship.
        Depeche Mode.

    •   SK = step-kid; Term used generally to describe a stepchild.
        No, it’s the internet country code for Slovakia- oh, yes it is.

    •    BD = Biological Dad; Term used to describe a custodial or non-custodial parent who is also a man.
        Add Wong, and you’ve got the actor who plays, Dr. George Huang, Law & Order, SVU.

    •    BM = Biological Mom; Term used to describe a custodial or non-custodial parent who is also a woman.
        This is too easy. BOWEL MOVEMENT. It will always be bowel movement, no matter how long I’m in this blended family circus!

What the blended family acronym committees haven’t included, is an abbreviation for a woman like myself; unmarried, no children pulled from my tender loins, living with a man who has kids, with custodial rights every other weekend.

According to the list above, I’m not a DM, and I’m not a CSM (Childless Step Mom), an abbreviation curiously absent from the above list. Thus, I give you the GM. Not General Motors. Not General Manager. The Girlfriend Mom! You’re welcome.

And just when you thought that would be the end of this tomfoolery, some genius, with a lot of time on their hands, decided to add numbers after the acronym, signifying the ages of the individual that they’re attached to. Because, again, it's just too time consuming to say, and or write, "My stepson is 18 years old."

Now, instead of a family unit, comprised of unique personalities, and distinctive styles and traits, we’ve become numbers and a part of a friggin’ algebra problem.

My boyfriend is a BHDM18,13 and I’m a GM0, who has to go lay down now because my head is spinning.


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