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I can't remember when I first heard or read the theory that you should "leave room" in your life for a potential partner. It made good sense to me at the time, though, and I took it to heart. This philosophy is one of the reasons I lived with a roommate for a few years longer than I financially had to, even though I knew I would love to live on my own. I was afraid that if I got my own apartment it would be so awesome that I would never want to leave. I would die a happy hermit.
Living with a roommate made room in my life for a partner in a couple ways. For one, I was able to use the money I was saving to pay down my debt. Certainly, this was good for me, but I also thought of it as becoming more like someone I would want to date - financially responsible and not heavily burdened with debt. Second, the two-bedroom apartment I was living in meant that potentially a boyfriend could move in with me. Or, the fact that I lived with a roommate meant that finding a new place with a boyfriend would be a huge improvement.
With my own one-bedroom apartment, however, I would fit perfectly. Everything would be the way I wanted it. I wouldn't be leaving any room for anyone else.
It's true, too. I look around me and everything is mine and everything is in its place. There's no physical room here for someone else to move in. And it would have to be one heck of a step up for me to want to leave.
Wait a minute... Maybe that's a good thing...
It was only in finally moving into my own place that I realized a new truth for myself. Much like drafts in writing or cuts in the editing room, I suddenly wondered if it's only by pushing to the absolute best in a given moment that you open yourself up to greatness.
I literally thought, it's going to take one heck of a guy to get me out of this apartment, and in the very next moment, I thought, OMG, I totally want to meet *that* guy!
And it's about more than space. I'm happier with my privacy. I'm better able to relax and get work done. I'm able to fill my home with healthy food and exercise in my living room without (albeit silly on my part) embarrassment. I'm a better, happier, healthier person now that I've finally stopped holding myself back out of some well-meaning desire to leave room for someone else.
The irony, it seems, is that there's always room for love. When it comes, it finds its way in and fits where it will. Best to be your best, live your fullest life, until it comes knocking.
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Linky Goodness:
Pretty Lady shares, How to Leave a Loser
From The Diary of Why, Why sometimes you date, and sometimes you say, eff it, I haven't had sex in four months (You'll also need to refer back to her previous post, Why coming clean has never felt so good to get what she's talking about.)
From Chandra on MoonSeeds, a beautiful post, Organic Creatures of the Earth
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Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
