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Like it or not, we tend to be defined by our jobs. It happens with certain occupations more than others, but what we do is a big part of how others see us (and also how we see ourselves). Because of this, if you’re meeting someone for the first time, there’s a good likelihood the question of “What do you do?” will come up — especially in a dating situation.
I don’t mind being asked about what I do. When the question is asked of me, I answer and think nothing of it. I don’t have a problem asking the question of someone else, either. Depending on the answer, it can be a good conversation starter. I think of it as one of those things you like to know about someone. Even if they hate their job and don’t want to be defined by it, what a person does for a living gives immediate insight into how they spend a vast majority of their time.
I know that some people disagree with me. Living in the DC metropolitan area, I’ve read more than one blog post about how tired they are of having this be the first question they’re asked when they meet someone. “People in DC are too focused on status,” some people say.
I wonder...is it a regional phenomenon, when people are so quick to ask what someone else does for a living? (Do DC-ers really care more about knowing a person’s occupation than someone in L.A. or Austin?) Or is it a feature of living in a major metropolitan area, as opposed to somewhere rural? (In big cities, there are a huge variety of jobs to choose from. But in rural areas, there aren’t as many possibilities...so maybe in smaller places, someone’s job isn’t quite as important to know right away?)
Of course I wouldn’t want someone to think that I am my job. My job is what I do, not who I am. In my off-hours I’m a writer, a reader, a friend, a lover. I have interests that go far beyond what I do to collect my salary. But I understand there are certain assumptions that can be made about me when someone finds out I’m an Executive Assistant -- like I’m more comfortable with following orders rather than giving them, for instance (which is true).
So, yes, there’s an element of stereotyping that exists based on the answer to this question. I’ll throw out some highly stereotypical examples to illustrate what I mean. If the following people told me what they do for a living, this thought process would most likely be going through my mind:
Fireman:
Pro: Trained to throw people over their shoulder (hottt).
Con: Higher risk of getting burned up in a raging fire.
Doctor:
Pro: Makes good bank.
Con: Hectic schedule, away from home a lot. Might bring home germs from sick patients.
Military guys:
Pro: Uniform = hotttt
Con: If they're deployable, they might be gone for a long time, and there's a higher likelihood of getting shot/injured/killed if they have to go to a war zone. If they work on U.S. soil, though, I think that would be okay.
I can’t help it. I think it’s interesting to know what somebody does, and I’m sure I’ll continue to ask.
Is this a question you like to ask of someone? Do you mind answering it yourself?
Related Reading:
Doug at To Blog Or...'s #1 reason in his list of 12 Reasons I Won’t Date You is if "The first question you ask is, 'So what do you do?'"
Dr. Keagirl is a urologist, and answering the question about what she does for a living used to stress her out. She says, “...the very essence of my job entails a journey into a realm which produces squirming in a polite society.
C in DC says she won’t ask people what they do for a living. “Since many people are unemployed, working illegally, or working at a job they don’t enjoy or are not particularly proud of, I think it’s impolite to inquire. Besides, there’s more to a person than their job, and those are the things I would usually rather hear about!”
Diaries of a Crazy Single Girl went out with some friends and they decided to lie about who they are and what they do for a living. Why? “Well because we're women and we're crazy.”
(Contributing
