Guess I'm lucky, huh?

Harvey's "advice" sounds like the stuff I read (and believed) in high school.  I'm 55 now -- do the math!

If this load of crap were true, I'd not now be in a successful, loving relationship.  I'd be alone -- and I'd far prefer that to the path to success Harvey seems to advocate!

BarbD
The Middle Way

Not sure if you read the book or just read some interviews, but I thought it was pretty good. Though the feminist in me takes issue with a few points, the essence of the book does make a lot of sense. Yes, taken out of contest, those quotes come across as archaic. It might not apply to all men and women, but for me looking back on some past relationships, it definitely cleared up a few things.

 well that there is news to me!

of course I haven't read the book but that quote right there is absolutely off the mark, I can tell you.

All men are, of course, driven by sex.  Its all they think about.  

http://superfabuloushousewife.blogspot.com/

I have been doing everything wrong. I should have never found love. I'll have to tell my husband he should leave me right away. 

Happy Days,

Anna

http://mousespiderbeebug.blogspot.com/

http://serendipityjunction.com

There are tons of relationship books out there, and all of them give different advice, and everything isn't going to work for everyone. And we all have different experiences. Men might think more about sex, but logically it can't be the only thing they think about.

I haven't read the book. I don't tend to read advice books like this from anyone. Some of my friends have, and while they don't agree with everything, they say overall he makes good points. I do listen to his radio show if I'm up and he's on. First, Steve Harvey has always said he is not a relationship expert. He says he knows about men. He gives advice, he says, from the perspective of a man. The book is for women about men--full of generalizations I'm sure. The advice he gives women on his radio show in regards to relationships I actually tend to agree with. And like he says, he usually tackles their question from the perspective of a man's POV.

The problem with making opinions on someone's philosophy based on quotes or reading articles about them or their book is that quotes can be taken out of context and manipulated. Not saying that if you read his whole book or listened to his show every morning you'd change your mind--but at least you can form an accurate opinion that  doesn't have the shadow of the article writer/publisher/editor opinion cast on it.

- Yoli

http://yolidreams.blogspot.com/

lolol First of all, as you stated, Steve Harvey is a COMEDIAN.  He's not known for saying anything actually intelligent OR for having any particular ability to pull women outside of the fact that he's an internationally-known star, and groupies are in abundance.

Actually, according to wikipedia, he's been married THREE TIMES, so I wouldn't be too quick to adhere to anything he had to say about dating. :D

1. Men aren't driven by sex, they're driven by what they want in life.  That MIGHT be sex and it might be companionship and it might be stability in life and it might be kids and it might be having food cooked for them and it might be a woman that inspires them to do for HER...

I'm not buying the "Until he reaches his career goals, no light for you" theory.

2. I believe that men DO love differently from women, but I disagree that the intensity levels are different.  A female might go all out for YOU if someone "says, does, suggests or even thinks about doing something offensive" about her man.

3. The concept of men needing to feel appreciated is short-sighted.  I know lots of women that don't appreciate me and I couldn't care less.  I enjoy their company and the good times we share. :D

See? All men really want is to go back to the time when women had
nothing better to do than serve them and feed their egos. If we could
just remember that, we'd have all the love we need.

The first part of that is true, hahaha.. The second part isn't.  Women don't get "love" for that, they get longevity in relationships for providing what the guy wants in his life.. Sex, food, companionship, an attractive woman on his arm, etc.  Lots of women MISTAKE this for love, caring, etc and only find out down the line that they've been used.

"One of the biggest misconceptions that a woman has is that a man has
to accept her the way she is. No, we don't. I don't know who told you
that," he says in an interview.

This is actually true, and a major misconception that a lot of women carry with them into relationships.  Obviously, it doesn't just apply to guys, but anyone that's in a relationship and not getting what they want, or ENOUGH of what they want, may choose to augment their current situation with interactions with other people.

A lot of women think that just because a guy tells them they're in a relationship or marries them that she can now do whatever she wants and he HAS to keep her around instead of ejecting her or deciding to keep her and cheat on her.

If you're "cutting back" on sex, "he will have another woman lined up
and waiting to give him what he needs and wants--the cookie."

Same answer. :D

It also seems that withholding sex means that your male partner has a
right to find physical companionship elsewhere, in Harvey's mind.

It's not an issue of "rights".  It's an issue of utility.  If a guy's in an exclusive relationship with a woman specifically so he has sexual access to her, if that access becomes restricted (and he has other women available to him), he's going to "get his" elsewhere.  I find it endlessly funny how women want to create sex embargoes in an attempt to gain control and then cry about it when their man's like "Keep it.  I'll get laid with other chicks".  That's Life.  That's how it goes.  If your store stops selling Evian, you buy Deer Park.  You don't go without water. :D

Anyway... Similar to the woman that co-wrote "The Rules" and then ended up getting divorced, hahaha.. You have to look at people's track records in the field they're talking about before you decide whether to take them seriously or not when they publish something.  From what I read here, it's likely that most of Steve Harvey's relationship advice is entirely laughable.  He'll sell a lot of books, though! :D

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

To hell with Steve Harvey!

"Not only are his life goals so much more important than yours and his
needs have priority over your crappy day, but he is justified in going
to get pussy elsewhere? Like hell, fucker."

Awesome.

Any relationship is a mirror of how you relate to yourself.
A friend, an employer, a husband, they can all get things you don't want to give if you are not clear about yourself.

I have learned to be honest about what I need and how that has influenced what I am doing in relationships.

For example; when I needed acknowledgment I did anything to get it from others.
Now I have beocme aware of that and learned how to give it to myself, I am no longer a people pleaser who can be used and then complain about being used.

Now I am clear, I seek out others who are clear and I don't follow blindly 'how to' guides to make sense of relationships. I do read them though and just take out of them what  I decide as useful. That works for me, a good laugh counts as well.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

So ok, I'll wear high heels only, make-up always, squeeze myself in the role of the weaker sex and give up extreme sports in order to get what exactly... a dumbhead like Harvey? The most astonishing part I found his 90-days-theory. No sex for 90 days after you first meet someone, in the meantime, you use this period to find out whether this man will provide you with a Ring, Children, a Living, etc. But could it be I don't want a bloody Ring, a Father for my children, or a Man of God - maybe I just want some fire in the house? Could that be possible, mr Harvey, that women aren't always those calculating creatures, but experience passion also? That maybe, living is not only about haunting practical causes, but about losing your head, FEELING something? Or is that not Ladylike behaviour? Maybe I'm too European for this sh*t, but my father had my mum on the first night, and they had a passionate marriage for 25 years...  

I have a single gal friend who has been going through a very tough dating scene and who actually really enjoyed this book.  Books, just like many other forms of media, sell us on hope, not necessarily on accuracy.  I will reserve all comments until after I read the book.  www.floridagirlmidwest.blogspot.com

therapydoc

at EveryoneNeedsTherapy

I used to cringe when my mother said, be "lady-like".  Some of us just don't want to be children forever.  

 Thanks so much for this discussion.  It often falls on deaf ears in my world, I get piteous looks :)

I think Steve Harvey is hilarious, but I didn't think like a man or act like a lady, and I'm very happily married. I think he has some good advice for women (from what I saw when he was on Oprah), but the title of the book rubs me the wrong way, too.

Visit me at http://somebodyhealme.dianalee.net

ok, so my question for steve then becomes... if we're not supposed to have sex for 90 days, but the man can go where he will to get the "cookie" when he wants it... does that mean women should just NEVER expect men to be faithful?! or maybe it means women should never have sex?

(I kind of like the cookies analogy though - it sort of makes it feel like it's a giant game of candy land.  "Look out, Queen Frostine!  Lord Licorice is coming to steal your cookie!")

I'm with you - just know who you are, and find someone who loves you for it.  Thanks God that is working for me.

 edited because I can't type

I was worried I might be the only one with problems with this book.

I'm not sure if I want to read it as it seems to be yet another book that's about attracting the sort of men that I HATE!

Plus I won't wear nail polish, as I can feel it on my nails, or high heeled shoes, or any of that stuff.

I want a man who likes me for being me... but Steve Harvey, who doesn't seem to think that all men and women are individuals doesn't seem to think such men exist.

Well, I read the book because someone sent me a free copy. I feel the same way about this book that I feel about all dating books, the rules are: there are no rules. Something that may work for me in the dating world may not work for the next person. I think so many women are reading this book because it helps reinforce the idea that there must be something wrong with you as to why you're single and not married. The truth is there are a lot of single women out here who don't want to be single and can't understand why. The other truth is no matter how hard we try some of us will get married and some of us won't, and that's the truth and no book will ever tell you that.

The major problem I have with this book is that it's written as though the man is the ultimate prize to be won and women are supposed to do whatever is necessary, bend and mold ourselves to whatever men need so that we can have someone in our lives and not be alone. It's all trash. For every woman who follows his advice there is a woman who did the exact opposite and is happily married. There's also women I'm sure who have followed the book's advice to the letter and are still alone, so figure that out.

It's hard being single when you don't want to be, but following bogus advice doesn't make it any better.

www.fatgirlweightlossmap.com

www.fatgirlweightloss.com

Bridging the gap between weight loss & body acceptance

Lots of great comments here. :)

Ultimately, if we ignore the actual advice and focus on the title, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" is actually good advice... Except for the fact that if you need to ACT like a lady, you're not going to be able to sustain that for long and then your relationship's going to fall apart when you stop pretending.  This is similar to how guys PRETEND to be monogamous when they're actually not so that they can get into a relationship with a gal and then eventually they get tired of the charade and are no longer able to sustain the situation.

Modified, "BE a lady" is correct because that's what guys approach women for.. BECAUSE y'all are women.  If you had been men you wouldn't have been spoken to as far as a relationship, so it doesn't make sense for y'all to attempt to be men while you're in a relationship with one.  Having said that..  If you were already being yourself when he met you and he already liked that about you, you're in there like Belvedere.

"Think like a man" is important because we think differently and have different goals and interests.  If you project YOUR interests onto us, you're not going to have a proper understanding of what we're doing in a relationship with you which is going to lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication.  The only way to understand women is to learn how to think like a woman, so the reverse advice for gals is valid as well, IMO.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com