Do You Pick the Wrong Guys?

I was talking to young woman the other day and she was telling me about a boyfriend that she had been with for almost a year.  It wasn't until about eight months later that she found out he was lying about several things.  In addition to lying, he didn't have any money to go places - she always paid (yet he had money to buy video games), he was not that happy of a person and he was very negative about past women in his relationships.  These weren't the only red flags either. 
Now, in the past I was notorious for selecting the wrong guys.  I know how this can turn into an introversion of yourself.  Yes, maybe there is something that draws you to them, I understand.  But changing that "pattern" starts with increasing your awareness of the "signs" in the beginning and knowing what you want and sticking to that.  Most girls want the fairy tale.  I know I'm one of them.  But when the fairy tale ends with an evil villain and nothing more - that won't bring you happily ever after.  Here are some signs to look out for when meeting Mr. Wrong:

1.  If he doesn't have open communication or seems very secretive, he's probably hiding something or severely an introverted person - either way there is something there that will become a barrier later in the relationship.

2.  If he's paranoid about what others think, not being public with your relationship or can't categorize the two of you as a "relationship" - it's time to go.

3.  If he can't pay his bills, doesn't have enough money to survive or money to take you out - this guy is not responsible with his finances and still has not handled his personal areas of life so he will not be able to handle the responsibility of being in a relationship.

4.  Look at his stuff.  Is his house in good order?  Car in good shape?  Are things working or broken down?  TRUST ME, YES this has something to do whether he is good to be around or not!

5.  Does he take care of himself?  Eat somewhat healthy?  Brush his teeth?  Take pride in the way he dresses?  If a person does not have enough care and concern to take care of themselves - they will not have enough care and concern to take care of you - I don't care what that person says to you or does for you IN THE BEGINNING.

6.  Don't LISTEN to what he says.... about his life, money, possessions, feelings.  LOOK at how he treats others, what his family relationships are like.  Does he have good relationships with past girlfriends or wives.  Is his stuff in good shape?  Is he in good shape?  All these small signs, indicate something larger that has not yet been exposed if they are not in good order.

7.  If you constantly feel like you are not getting the full truth or there is something there that is secretive or something you can't trust.... GIRLFRIEND, TRUST YOUR INTUITION!  You are hardly ever wrong.

8.  What are his beliefs?  Find this out early on.  If his beliefs don't match yours - I don't care how romantic he is or good looking he is, the foundation of one's life and decisions - is there belief and faith.  Whatever that is... it needs to match up to the guy you are going to spend the rest of your life with.  It just wouldn't make sense otherwise.

9.  How much does he get done?  Is he a productive person (and I don't just mean does he have a job) - I mean does he do a lot of activities, get things done around the house... finish projects that he starts.   Is he lazy?  Trust me - this also indicates many things about the true personality of a guy!

10.  Last but not least and should be first when starting to date someone - you know what you want.  You dream about and have made a list about it in your head.  So write that list down (you know it's based on past relationships of what you do and don't want) and then use that list as your POLICY when dating.  Don't steer off the list!!!  The list is coming from past experience.  So if some new guy starts having several red flags as a guy in the past - he probably is not matching up to your "must have list."  This is important!  See, we know that when a good looking, charming, funny guy comes along - we get all caught up in it.  We forget about the list.  We say, "oh but maybe..."   NO!  Stick to your list!  You will save yourself a lot of time and heartache!

Alright, now let's not get hopeless or introverted about how wrong we were for picking the wrong guy(s).  Let's get back out there and keep the hope and the faith in the future.  You do deserve a good guy and you will find him.  Don't give up!

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