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J. Crew, Boys and Pink Nail Polish

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You may have heard of the Fox News doctor/consultant who is taking issue with the current J. Crew catalog photo featuring the president of the company painting her son's toenails pink. THE HORROR!


If not, go read this.

I talked to Good Morning America about this.


There are so many things that outrage me about this, the first of which is the fact that this Dr. Ablow is a DOCTOR! And he is passing all sorts of judgments onto this mother and her son based on a single photo. That seems very presumptuous. And not all that doctor-y, but I did not go to medical school. I am, however, a mother, and I have a son that does things that I'm sure the kind doctor would disapprove of, like wear a Daphne costume for Halloween.

I feel that if the picture had been of a male executive playing football with his daughter, Dr. Ablow and others would not have seen an issue with it. Seems a tad misogynistic. And hypocritical. Is it really acceptable for girls to want to aspire to be more masculine but still taboo for boys to do anything previously deemed feminine?

It scares me that a medically licensed psychiatrist says, "This is a dramatic example of the way that our culture is being encouraged to abandon all trappings of gender identity -— homogenizing males and females when the outcome of such “psychological sterilization” is not known."

Uh, we are looking at the same picture, right? A mom and her son laughing together? Having fun? Is the problem the nail polish itself or that it is pink? What if it had been black or clear?

Later he says, "Increasingly, this includes the truth that it is unwise to dress little girls like miniature adults (in halter tops and shorts emblazoned with PINK across the bottoms) and that it is unwise to encourage little boys to playact like little girls." Allowing a child to dress beyond their years is very different than letting them play act. At least from my perspective. But remember, I'm not a doctor.

At Boo's previous school, they had messy day. It had all sorts of activities from painting with spaghetti noodles to tie-dying t-shirts. What else did they do? Paint toenails. Boys and girls.

He also makes some huge and vague leap to this: "The fall-out is already being seen. Increasingly, girls show none of the reticence they once did to engage in early sexual relationships with boys. That may be a good thing from the standpoint of gender equality, but it could be a bad thing since there is no longer the same typically “feminine” brake on such behavior."

WHAT? Is this one of those "boys will be boys" arguments where it is the female's responsibility to know where the lines are and to ensure they are not crossed?

The original article has the doctor stating he hopes this mother is setting aside money for his future therapy. If he needs it, I hope he looks for a doctor that doesn't make snap judgments.

And later in life, I want my daughter to change tires and my sons to change diapers.

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nellewrites 6 pts

interesting. I do not vouch for its accuracy... people have told me for years that at one time pink was associated with boys, so I did a little search just now and found the following:

Gender and colour - pink dated observations ( http://histclo.com/gender/col/pink/gp-obs.html )

nellewrites ( http://nellewrites.wordpress.com/ )

My Diaper Diaries 5 pts

This article came at a perfect time for me, thank you, Universe. I have a little 3 year old boy, Max and a 2.5 year old girl, Vivienne- at 10 months apart, they are very close and do everything together. So, it was expected over this weekend when I was polishing my other daughter, Lexi's nails and little Vivi's, that Max would want his pink piggies done as well. After all, pink is a very pretty color to a littler person who doesn't realize it's associated with "girls."
Meanwhile, Vivienne insists on the same trucks and robots Max plays with and the two of them often wear matching Superman and Batman capes. No one would dare ask why my little girl likes boy clothes and I wouldn't dare impose a tearful tantrum on her just so I could foolishly make her wear her pink tutus- which she often does by the way, and so does Max for that matter.

Everyone enjoyed their pretty paws all weekend until Sunday evening when my husband and I discussed whether to leave Max's "Pretty in Pink" look on for school Monday. Rick felt it was not right to send him in so innocently thinking pink is acceptable by most... I didn't want to take his fun polish from him and upset him. On the other hand, I didn't want to start with this genderization journey now.
We ultimately took his polish off while he was sleeping last night so he didn't enter the battlefield with it in school today so innocently thinking it looks great- which.... it did by the way.
Check out my blog- www.MyDiaperDiaries.com ( http://www.MyDiaperDiaries.com )
It's fun and we talk a lot about our little ones!

kyooty 5 pts

I've got 3 boys, and we've done some pretty outrageous dress up. Outrageous in a fun way. nail polish? hair ties? and oh my baking too!

kimmieann 5 pts

Funny, but my overly testosteroned 15-year-old used to use my blush brush before he went to school (about 1st grade). He laughs it off now, and shrugs his shoulders. I think the "good doctor" missed something...

candycohn 5 pts

I couldn't believe the outrageous responses to the J. Crew ad this past week! I'm so glad you wrote about this in your blog, because I needed to gather with some like-minded people. I know there's plenty of us out there, but sometimes I get scared when I hear the opinions of those who want to close the minds of children when they should be enjoying their innate creativity. My son--whose array of costumes as a child included Catwoman as well as Batman--is now 25 and working as an educator at Nature's Classroom. Not knowing anything about the J.Crew ad, he conducted a gender identity lesson of his own this past week. He and another male teacher, both very muscular guys, dressed in pink and purple shirts that they embellished with "My Little Pony" puffy paint designs. They did this right from the beginning of the week with a group of middle school age kids they had never met before, Dressed in this attire, they used macho mannerisms, but talked a lot about happiness and "sensitive" kinds of things. The kids went wild with delight over this. On the last day of their week together, he showed up in his regular clothes and they had a great discussion about not judging people superficially. I think his students are very lucky to have such a great influence, and I'm so very proud of him!

Candy Cohn
Assistant Camp Director
Maine Arts Camp
http://www.maineartscamp.com/blog

Milestonemom 5 pts

One day when I had a haircut appt and my son was home from school, I had no sitter. the spa suggested I bring my son along. I warned them that he was ADHD and "a little hyper" (an understatement). Of course my son started running around, so one of the employees sat him down in front of all the nail polish options and told him to have a ball. He proceeded to paint his fingernails, his toenails and all the nails of the entire spa staff. He chose to make each nail a different vibrant color. He was thrilled. And I was happy that he was engaged and enjoying himself.

He refused to let us remove the color and proudly showed his entire kindergarten class as well when he returned to school.

Isn't childhoood about savoring these moments and letting our children explore the endless possibiities that surround them? These experiences foster self-esteem, individuality and security in the knowledge that their parents endorse them in this developmental process. I know that I want a fully evolved child, not someone who is constrained by the limits of a narrow definition.

Nancy Konigsberg is a pediatric occupational therapist specialing in child development ( http://www.milestonemom.com ) and baby milestones.  She has a blog called Milestone Mom ( http://www.milestonemom.com )

taraburner 5 pts

this is insane!
Over analyzing nail polish....
had it been a different color (black perhaps) would it have been better? oh wait no, because then he'd be considered goth! lol
This whole thing is just stupid, putting nail polish on a child (boy or girl) isn't going to make them gender challenged!

oh and I change my own tires, change the oil in my car...and my son who's having a baby soon, better be changing diapers!

EllenBailey 5 pts

THanks for posting this. I wrote something similar on my blog this week. I guess its caused quite the stir. Don't we have bigger things to worry about?
Great insight.

mamasagainstdrama.com

carrieactually 5 pts

I can't believe there is a fuss about this. When my brother and I were little and my mom was painting her nails I always wanted her to paint mine to and my brother didn't want to be left out so mom would put some nail polish on him too. What's the big deal?

BlogHer Marketing Coordinator Carrie Winegarden (@carrieactually ( http://twitter.com/carrieactually )) blogs at Carrie Actually ( http://carrieactually.com ) and Kuchen Together ( http://kuchentogether.com ).

Kindly.kate 5 pts

1. I'm an Early Childhood Education student (and a godmother to two) so I feel like I have some right to an opinion on this matter. You're absolutely right! Why is this such a big issue? It shouldn't be. Lots of little boys like to have their nails painted and lots of them love the color pink! Have this Dr. Ablow ever been around children before?
p.s. I love the idea of the "messy day" in your child's classroom- I am SO going to do that too!

http://kindlykate.blogspot.com/

MealMixer 5 pts

Who among us hasn't painted a child's nails just to get them to stop bugging us? LOL

Marianne at Mealmixer ( http://www.mealmixer.com )

helinascott 5 pts

its a good thing that boys are also like to use the nail polish

babyjandbean 5 pts

That's just absurd. Nothing about colors, toys, articles of clothing, whatever means a darn thing to our kids in terms of sexuality. It's all a social construct by people that have way to much time on their hands and should be more concerned about themselves. I really do think that there's something to the argument that people with these extreme views are projecting something about themselves that they haven't come to accept. Watch, this doctor will be in the news next for some kind of "deviant" sex scandal...

--------

Loving life with my two special guys - a spirited three-year-old and a young toddler living with Williams Syndrome - and blogging about it here ( http://www.babyjandbean.blogspot.com ).

nellewrites 6 pts

are upsetting about the reaction of Ablow and his supporters, but through the day today I have been astounded and pleased by the number of people rushing to call out his opinion as outdated and even abhorrent. How far we have come over the last fifteen years.

I wish I could condense my life down into a fifteen second video, narrowly edited to give the gist of my gender ride just in relation to the interplay between me and society - the 40 years of fear, the hiding, the constant struggle, the coming out... forget the ultimate consequences, I just wish tp have people who are interested in this topic grasp the process and the experience, what I faced, what I had to cope with.

Fifteen years ago, few would defend J Crew. Fifteen years ago, the best I could have hoped for was ambivalence. More likely, the jokes would be flying, playing up stereotypes. Now, today, people are standing up and calling out the dinosaurs who wish us all to still be consigned and constrained, living in gender boxes a lot of people never fit into. And we wonder why kids struggle... too often we are trying to shape them with cookie cutter moulds, with social conduct, with education.

Imagine Ablow suggesting the child may need therapy. Imagine him trying to make all parents feel guilty for active interaction with their child in a way that is absent tired old stereotypes and constraints. Good for all of you, applause from me, for standing up to such obsolete and harmful rhetoric!

On a larger level, there are the old lgbt phobias at work in his (and the other folk who stand with him) allegation, the homo- one and the trans- one. Oh my gosh, you might make the child gay or trans - as if people can fashion us out of their manipulations. It used to be we were accused of recruiting. I suppose that one is still out there somewhere, but it has largely been cast aside because people better grasp what it is to be gay, that being gay is no big deal. That enlightenment is flowing towards transgender folk. While there is no direct trans issue here, I bring it up because that is where Ablow's arrow ultimately points - after all, his remark implies that a trans child is a problem.

Finally, I'm annoyed with the assertion that women should think twice about equality because with equality and removal of restricting inhibition comes a perceived downside, in this case, more sex. Hey folks, seen any stats lately on teen pregnancy? Why, why, why are these guys so damn afraid of women casting aside societal constraints?

nellewrites ( http://nellewrites.wordpress.com/ )

alexash 5 pts

They're just colors. Two in a sea of hues. I wonder if most people would be freaked out to learn than less than 100 years ago pink was identified as a color to be worn by boys and blue for girls?

Small Town Mommy 5 pts

I found this whole argument ridiculous. What child doesn't enjoy painting nails. It is fun to change colors and it looks cool. It is just like face painting. My feeling is that wanting to paint your nails has nothing to do with sexual identity but with wanting to change your appearance for fun.

While I disagree with gender stereotyping for children, I feel it is irrelevant in this specific situation. Every young child I have ever met likes to have his or her nails painted.

AnnsRants 5 pts

One of the moments I fell head over heels for my husband when we met, was when he let one of my girlfriends paint his toe nails.

He was so chill about it, and I found it SO appealing.

www.annsrants.com ( http://www.annsrants.com )

www.listentoyourmothershow.com ( http://www.listentoyourmothershow.com )

Nicole_Longstreath 5 pts

I read about this earlier this week ...

People need to calm down. So she painted her boys toenails - who cares?

The truth is, we all do a little gender exploration when we're young. It's harmless and a vital part of life.

The way this doctor reacted is overly-dramatic.

Sustainable living, community and politics - smartmouthblog.com ( http://www.smartmouthblog.com/ )