How to Get a Happier Wedding: Back Off My Bride Budget

Amen! I'm very lucky to have my mom footing most of the bill, but we're still trying to keep costs down, especially on 'extra' things. Our total will certainly be WAY less than the average for our area, and I'm hoping to come in well under the national average, too, but there are some things we haven't priced yet... ;p

(So I'm sure we'll be under the national average, the question is by how much!) Catering is by far the biggest expense, & I'm going to make sure I get to eat!

...wedding bashing, that is. I made an overt decision to not obsess and not recklessly spend. But that is SO objective! The $10k we spent our wedding could be just as ridiculous to some folks as others spending $50k is to me. Regardless of the number, your wedding will be too much to spend on one day. We're choosing to spend it so we've got to find a number that let's us sleep at night.

Your wedding sounds lovely! :)

And I couldn't agree more - I'd rather have a down payment on a house than an expensive wedding. :)

Laurie in Sri Lanka

Chilli & Chocolate ( http://food.laurieashton.com ) | A Canadian in King Parakramabahu's Court ( http://srilanka.laurieashton.com ) ] Photos by LMAshton ( http://photos.lmashton.com ) |

including my (beautiful, hand-made, renaissance-inspired) dress. here's HOW we did it.

it was small-ish. around 90 people attended.

we got married at the church we attended, and since i was a member, we didn't have to pay for the space. we were also able to use the fellowship hall for our reception free of charge (we just had to clean up after ourselves).

we didn't serve alcohol. there were a few people who got a bit up in arms about that, but honestly, i didn't want a bunch of drunks running around to destroy my day.

one of my bridesmaids made our cake as our wedding present. she and her mother had been doing wedding cakes for years.

another friend had her mother make our unity candle (and a ton of other "decorative" candles for the reception) for us as our present. they were great soy wax candles, and she created a fragrance just for us. :)

for the meal, my parents provided the main course, while we asked some other close friends and family to make side dishes and extra desserts.

we bought loose flowers and arranged them ourselves (my mom, bridesmaids, and i) the morning of the wedding.

we skipped expensive bridesmaid's dresses and tuxes. (it was july, so they sincerely appreciated that.) :) we bought matching tops for the girls and had them all wear black skirts. the guys wore matching dress shirts and khaki pants (the groom's was a lighter color).

a family friend did our photos as our gift, so we just had to pay for the prints. and yes, she was a professional photographer. she did my senior pictures, too. :)

and who needs a dj when you've got an iPod?

we had a lot of people comment on how much they loved the simplicity of our wedding. it is 100% possible to have a nice, enjoyable wedding without breaking the bank. even if you had to pay for the things that we were gifted, you could still stay under $2,000....if you WANTED to. i mean, really, wouldn't you rather spend the other $28,000 on a down payment on a house or starting a great retirement fund?

"There was one person, whom I've never even met, who gave the fake husband an ear full, ranting about how weddings aren't for the couple and how horrible we were to not have one for the family, blah blah blah. "

That's where I'd say "Bite me." And possibly flip them the bird. And glare at them until they leave. While continuing to flip them the bird.

Laurie in Sri Lanka

Chilli & Chocolate ( http://food.laurieashton.com ) | A Canadian in King Parakramabahu's Court ( http://srilanka.laurieashton.com ) ] Photos by LMAshton ( http://photos.lmashton.com ) |

Sort of. Really we just went to City Hall and didn't tell anyone except the couple the stood for us until afterwards. (An aside: do you know how hard it is for someone who lives on blogs, BlogHer and twitter to keep that a secret? DO YOU? Thank goodness it was only 10 days from deciding to do it to it being done.)

I used to like weddings. I used to like them quite a bit. But then I was in six weddings and well, I kind of pretty much hate them at this point. At the last wedding we attended I looked at the fake husband and said, "You know, if we had needed to have an actual wedding it never would have happened, right?" Thankfully he agreed.

Most people were just happy for us but there were a few people who were upset we didn't have a wedding. There was one person, whom I've never even met, who gave the fake husband an ear full, ranting about how weddings aren't for the couple and how horrible we were to not have one for the family, blah blah blah.

That person? They are not allowed in my house because I honestly don't think I have the ability to be civil to them.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

That we had gone the wedding route because getting married in a library = AWESOME.

I know another blogger that got married in a library last year, only in England. She is a book blogger. How perfect is that?

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

one of my biggest concerns. For my bridesmaids, I found a really inexpensive dress (helps if you don't tell them you're looking for a "bridesmaid" dress) and told them to buy whatever silver shoes they wanted that they could wear again. I bought the purses and the crazy stuff they'd never wear again as a gift. The last thing I wanted was for my wedding to be a total chore for everyone involved.

I had to put my foot down a lot. My fiance didn't want a wedding; he wanted a coronation. HE was the budget buster, oddly enough. But not only can we not afford that, first of all, it's not the economic climate for it. People get uncomfortable. We went to a wedding in April that was extravagant, $100K. Now, yes, I don't want to judge, but it felt so weird. We wanted to make sure that people were comfortable and just having fun.

Of course, at this point, with all the stress, I want to elope. But you'll have to wait until Saturday to hear about that. :)

to the obnoxious comments by family members. I am a designer and while I didn't have time to DIY everything, I'm doing my menu cards, placecards, table numbers, etc. My MIL2B took one look at the menu card and had a bunch of nitpicky comments: the menu card wasn't perfect, the table numbers (which are vintage postcards, should just be COPIES of postcards, not actual cards, my favors were wrong, couldn't we have this on the table). I finally just stopped listening. My life has been happier then.

The wedding is vintage Las Vegas themed, colors are black, red and white, and my dress is a white vintage 50s prom dress that I found in this awesome store off the Strip in LV. :)

I've been to backyard, low-budget weddings that were so much fun and upscale ones that felt like a chore to everyone involved. I figure it's up to the couple and it's none of my business -- whatever works for them. I do like it when they don't expect me to spend an exorbitant amount of money on a dress and shoes and the bachelorette stuff -- I am not stingy but it can get out of hand sometimes.

Looking forward to reading your posts -- I can't wait to see some of your pictures. You're going to have an outstanding wedding. :)

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )
Photos on Flickr ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubyshoes )

Always thought if I got married in Maryland I'd want to do that. :)

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )
Photos on Flickr ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubyshoes )

John and Mary spend $20,000 on their wedding -Harry and cyndi feel defeated in the game of bigger and clamourous weddings so they go for a loan $80,000 and the marriage ends in ruins-Thanks to debt...The best wedding is a match made in heaven

That is EXCELLENT.

I approached my wedding with this attitude: it was an important day, but it wasn't the only important day in my life. Therefore, I had to plan as if there were other things we wanted to do: have money for a house, a child, etc. We went without a lot of wedding items that add up but add very little to the day. I cannot tell you one flower arrangement I've ever seen on the center of the table, though brides stress about this all the time. Our centerpieces were old satin-covered books and people could take them home and read them at the end (we got married in a library). People certainly remembered that and it cost us almost nothing because people donated their old books.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Yeah, about that girly gene kicking in? Mine didn't. :)

The husband and I met over the Internet. I lived in Canada, he in Sri Lanka. We met in person two months later, and were married 8 hours later with his two best friends as witnesses.

Our costs?

$20 CDN for my dress - a pretty floral from Zellers of all places
$1200 US for the flight to get me there
$15 for the wedding registration
$20 for the lunch at the Flower Drum afterwards for us and our witnesses.

We still don't have wedding rings, nor did I get an engagement ring - we don't care about that sort of thing.

Happily, my sister had eloped a couple years before me, so there was already a precedent in the family. Then one of my brothers eloped a few years later, thus proving the predisposition in our family towards eloping.

Personally, I still do not regret for even one moment that we did it the way we did. It was the best for us. :)

Laurie in Sri Lanka

Chilli & Chocolate ( http://food.laurieashton.com ) | A Canadian in King Parakramabahu's Court ( http://srilanka.laurieashton.com ) ] Photos by LMAshton ( http://photos.lmashton.com ) |

Holy crap,
No way in hell am I spending 20,000 on my wedding. If i had that, I'd tell my fiancee "Screw the wedding, with this we can afford a starter home in Thunder Bay (our dream city)"

But then again, maybe my girly gene would kick in after 22 long years of being MIA and I'll turn into Bridezilla.

Haha, it'll be interesting to find out though.

We had a tight budget for my wedding back in '96. Some of it we did for ourselves; some we shopped around for the best deal. My parents were footing the bill for the majority of it & Hubby's family didn't help him out on his end at all. I wanted a traditional wedding & reception.

Most of the places we visited, once they found out my budget, treated us like crap. Bridal shops, florists, etc. either were outright rude or subtly condescending when we started to discuss what we wanted and could afford.

I'll never forget the 1st time my Mom & I went to a shop to look at wedding dresses. When we told the sales clerk our budget was $1000 she looked us up & down with a sneer, pointed to the right side of the store saying "the cheap gowns are over there" and then walked away. Mom & I walked out. Sadly that was the theme at most of the bridal shops we went too.

I had my dream wedding on a budget. I knew what I wanted and knew what I and my parents could afford.

Back then the economy was booming & spending money was the "in thing" to do. I don't think it is neccessary to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to have a very nice wedding but if you can afford it & have to have it to make your day special, then great!

I must admit though I have said some things to friends planning weddings they (and their families) could not afford. I do NOT see the need to go into massive debt for a wedding, no matter how much you want something.

All in all, I want people to remember the Marriage is more important than the Wedding in the long run.

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )

My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

We did not spend a lot on our wedding. I mean, we spent some, obviously, but we didn't get into the tens of thousands that were being spent, happily, in 2004. At that point, our friends scoffed at our self-imposed budget. People at (the horrible, awful, nasty) TheKnot.com made fun of my desire to find ways to save the most money. Even my Matron of Honor said something off color of our reception "venue." (Hi. My husband IS a professional firefighter. How is a fire hall NOT appropriate? Bite me.)

So, like you, I felt the nastiness about the amount of money being spent (or not spent). But the truth is, we did what was right for us at the time. I don't look back at any of the pictures and wish I had done anything differently. And I wish the same for you!

ENJOY this time. So many others try to ruin it and I have NO IDEA WHY. (Please to be sharing your wedding colors/dress/etc now. My grandmother planned weddings and I have the wedding love in my blood.)

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

that has to be truly love