What would I doing if internet dating weren’t possible? On second thought… Maybe I shouldn’t bother asking myself this question as I already know the answer. Bars, bookstores, and bowling alleys (and always coming up dry.) The fact is - it IS possible, I AM doing it, and it is doing my head in. (And having my period – doesn’t help my clarity much, as you’ll soon see.)
First and foremost I was trying to figure out ’Tuscany’.. what is his deal was with already declaring his desire to “meet eventually,”only after about one day’s worth of some back and forth messaging, and wanting a confirmation rather immediately from me IF it was what I wanted too. No number exchange, phone calls, or IMs. Again, is this just an Italian thing? Here I go again, analyzing every minut detail to a fine pulp… and does it ever help me? Not really.
Regardless, my suspiciousness was festering. You can’t trust a lot of these men, they’re sly. The first random question I found myself asking was: WHO took the rather tame nude photo he sent me? (I’ll admit, it WAS kinda hot actually, but of course quite inappropriate in context). A-hem… Anyway, then I continued miscroscopically examine his photos for a wedding ring – nothing, I Googled him (don’t we all do this?)… I didn’t come up with much: He has a Twitter account he rarely uses, I couldn’t find him on FB, he belongs to a soccer club, he works where he claims to – BUT he is using his WORK email to send me messages. Why? Because he has a wife or girlfriend that has access to his computer? Hmmmm.
Naturally I decided to quiz him a little deeper to see if it was actually going to be worth my time, as I have no intention of spending one more moment of my life in the company of a Latin-Lover -wannabe who’s only going to try and pull the wool over my eyes, then do me like “la pecorella.” (A sheep, as they say in Italian - in English “from behind.”)
I decided to start with the dog issue: As men afraid of dogs, preoccupied with ‘dog germs,’ and compulsive hand washing are a bonafide ‘no-deal,’ (In addition to the other standard: MacDaddy-losers, married men, stalkers, committment-phobes, and sociopaths.) Here we go again…
T: I think to be a nice person, funny and friendly….I am an hard worker, I love my job and I put passion in everything I do… What else? Ask me and I will reply.
CM: Animals? what do you think about them in general? Should they always be outside?
T: I think animals should be free and so at least outside. If you are speaking about dogs, yes, better if they are outside… How did you choose Cava de’ Tirreni? Why did you decide to go there? How long time have you been there since? Do you enjoy Italian life style?
CM: I don’t agree about the dogs. My dogs stay inside with me (I leave my door open and they go in the garden when they want). In the past if someone came to my house and acted strange because I had dogs in the house – I didn’t like it. I don’t like when people are not friendly with animals, and always concerned with bacteria, and wish them to stay far away. It makes me uncomfortable. Maybe you didn’t read on my profile? “Hope to meet someone active with similar interests… visual arts, pro-animal and environment. “ “6 things I could never do without: My dogs…” Based on your thoughts on this subject, “better if they are outside” We probably won’t get along very well. I am not very compatible with this sort of thinking. Good luck to you…
T: I guess that to love animals means to love they are free… Your quote:“Based on your thoughts on this subject, “better if they are outside” We probably won’t get along very well. I am not very compatible with this sort of thinking.” -Please if you are NOT interested in knowing me you don’t need such kind of excuse that has NO connection with who I am…you may simply tell it and full stop…
CM: Are you joking? An excuse? No. ‘DEALBREAKER’ – yes. Do I generally make friends with people that are indifferent, or don’t care about animal welfare, or leave their pets outside all year, even in the cold winter? No. Your quote: “NO connection with who you are?” – You think this, so YES it is connected with who you are: likes , dislikes , preferences. I have wasted my time with people (boyfriends) that PRETENDED THEY LIKED ANIMALS… then they nagged at me endlessly. I had to listen to BF1 complain constantly about dog hair and say: “Don’t touch the dog and then touch me, go wash your hands”or BF2 “So you really love dogs huh? Why don’t you keep your dogs on your roof?” I didn’t appreciate that way of thinking. I simply don’t live this way. It’s not an excuse at all – it’s fact.
T: I explained twice that I love animals (and I do touch a lot dogs)…simply in a different way than you do…so NO dealbreaker at all…that’s clearly only an EXCUSE… Anyway I am not here to beg anyone…do what you want and feel free to think what you prefer…simply tell that to me clearly.
CM: No excuse. You simply don’t understand my overall point of view. The whole point (for me) in this type of email exchange is to get an IDEA about the other person – character, likes, dislikes. THEN based on this information that you take OVER A PERIOD OF TIME – you make a decision IF you want to meet and if it is worth your time, and then later possibly continue to be friends. (Of course, IF someone is only interested in meeting for sex – none of that is important. Like I said before, IF that was your interest for meeting – you would be wasting your time. – TO BE CLEAR, I AM NOT SAYING THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DEFINITELY THINKING). THIS is why I don’t answer a definitive yes or no, because as I said before – I DON’T KNOW. I take time to know a person first. But YOU immediately decided “eventually” you want to meet.
T: Ok, maybe it was me who misunderstood what you wrote…probably because my English is not good enough.
How many times have I asked some new guy if he was ok with dogs, only to have him come over, then cower in fear over being visciously mauled by 2 goofy English Setters and my late Basset Hound, or wince at the thought of coming into contact with potentially fatal ”dog germs.” But did I overreact, and throw this guy in the maytag slam the door, and press heavy-soil cycle? Generally speaking are all of us just getting WAY to picky when it comes to selecting possible mates online? It’s certainly possible.
And where did we leave it? I’m not really sure… I don’t really understand the misunderstanding.