- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 5
-
Sparkle (0)
My first memory is of my mom holding me up as a human shield to try get my dad to stop beating her—possibly to stop from killing her. I remember that she was covered in blood and cowering on the bed and into the corner. I remember the wild look in my father’s eyes as our eyes met. I was 2-years-old.
Like many girls and women I’ve met, I grew up in this home where domestic violence tore up our house and tore down our souls. This all began—I believe—before I was even born. Both of my parents were the victims of unthinkable child abuse and neglect. And by the time my mom was 16—to get away from her home—she was married, pregnant and had dropped out of schools. By 19, my father was incarcerated at San Quentin prison for a committing armed robbery.
Of course, that’s not their whole story. My parents worked hard. They were bright. They wanted more for themselves and me. And they loved me. They even turned their lives around in positive ways eventually.
But those terrible things happened in our family early on because my parents were not valued when they came into this world and so they didn’t always value themselves. I later learned that both of my parents grew up in homes where domestic violence was the norm.
Now my mission is to make ‘respect for all’ the new status quo.
I tell this story a lot to teens and adults around the country. And though now it doesn't bring tears to my eyes every time, others are moved. They are moved because they're uncomfortable. They are moved because they feel compassion for me. They are moved because that's what stories do, they open our hearts and minds. They are moved to create change. They are moved in many cases because someone, me, finally told *their* story. In hearing my story, they feel heard.
I used to feel like I was selling out my family by telling our story-- exposing only our dark side. Now I believe I'm honoring them by turning our pain into power. It's not a complicated process. I tell my story at our Respect Rallies for teens and young adults. And then they tell their truths about the disrespect they've seen. And they they share their hopes and ideas to create a new world in which no person is the victim of violence.
The first Respect Basic we teach at Respect Rx is: Tell Your Truth.
It's a powerful one. Your story matters. Especially when it comes to ending domestic violence.
For the sake of your healing--and becoming a much-needed agent of change--I hope you will write and tell your story. If it helps, use our template called The Road to Respect:
-ACT 1: Disrespect (What happened?)
-ACT 2: Turning Point (What was your intervention?)
-ACT 3: Lessons Learned (What Respect Basics are you practicing now?)
If like me, you have a story to tell know that the darkness of abuse can only be stopped when it's exposed to light. Your light in that you are surviving. And I hope thriving.
