Donald Trump: The 45th President’s Inaugural Address
What would the world look like with Donald Trump as the 45th President of the United States? Let’s start with his inauguration speech:
My fellow citizens, wow, what a truly historic day. This is a day that will go down in history as one of the most historic days of all time. It really is a fantastic day for America and for people all around the civilized world. This is the dawn of a new era for America. It really is fantastic.
I would like to thank Barack Hussein Obama for his dedication and service to our country, no matter how misguided, ill informed and, perhaps, illegal his presidency has been. I still haven’t seen that birth certificate Barack, so, you’re fired! No wait, you’re deported!
[Applause. Crowd starts chanting "Donald, Donald"].
On a serious note, I believe that a story as fabulous as mine could only have happened in America. America made it possible for me to develop a multi-billion dollar empire and a hugely successful television series, The Apprentice. It is people like me that make America great.
For those of you not familiar with this revolutionary show, it can be seen on NBC Tuesday nights at 9 PM and is syndicated in 112 countries throughout the world. It really is a tremendously successful program that I’m very proud of, and it has contributed to the economic power of our great country. I want to take this opportunity to announce a historic 12th season of The Apprentice in which I will pit twenty four budding candidates against each other to see who will become my new Secretary of Defense. In an Apprentice first, the runner-up will appointed Head of the Federal Reserve. Your new first lady, Melania, and I will be snuggled up in the Lincoln Bedroom closely watching the results.
[Audience: We love you Donald.]
When it comes to foreign relations, America can rest assured. As you all know, I have extensive experience dealing with people from all over the world. I mean, come on, I own the Miss Universe franchise. Furthermore, I have an extensive track record when it comes to dealing with foreign leaders and dignitaries thanks to my super successful real estate empire. You all know I financially ”screwed” Gadhafi, and I promise to bring home the same types of lucrative deals for everyday Americans.
Back to America, this really is a fantastic country. Billions of people around the world look to America and me as a shining example of liberty, freedom and wealth generation potential. But we do have enemies, all those who want to destroy our way of life. What our enemies need to understand is that I’m a really smart guy, I live a really successful life, I have mansions all over the world, I have a beautiful wife and I am very wealthy. In other words “Don’t mess with The Donald.”
[Strong applause and chants of "Donald, Donald"].
Next, I would like to thank Vice President Bristol Palin. I’ve known Bristol since her phenomenal performance on “Dancing with the Stars.” I saw then, as I see now, that she is going to bring a lot of grace and fresh ideas to the job. She’s going to make a fantastic Vice President. Bristol comes from a real American family, and given how well she turned out, it is only natural that I would tap her mother, Sarah, to be my Secretary of Education. She’s a fantastic lady. She cares about America and American children.
[Suddenly President Trump suffers a hair malfunction and is forced to the ground by secret service agents. The speech is suspended for 5 minutes while the President’s hair is realigned.]
On the economy I’m an alumnus of the Wharton School of Business where I did very, very well so America’s economy is in fantastic hands and will become really fabulous once more. I’ve always said that America should be run like a business, and in keeping with that statement I will be opening a chain of White House restaurants across the country with the very first one to open in Florida. At White House restaurants, not only will you be able to get a fantastic meal based on The Donald’s own diet, but you will also be able to get a range of phenomenal White House and Trump memorabilia. A series of my autographed photos will also be featured.In conclusion, America will once more be a great country and, with The Donald at the helm, the future looks bright once more. Together, let’s make this the decade of The Donald.
God bless you, God bless me and God bless America. Oh, wait, don’t forget to tune in and watch season 12 of The Apprentice, Tuesdays on NBC. It’s really going to be fabulous.
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