Don't Be a Douche: Vaginas Should Smell Like Vaginas
by While I was watching TV a few nights ago, a commercial for Vagisil ran. When the voice over announced that Vagisil could help cover crotch odors in addition to soothing embarrassing itch, I rolled my eyes. Then it hit me: it's been eons since I'd last seen a commercial for douche. Maybe we actually have made some progress when it comes to women hating their natural bodies less.
Douche commercials were a staple of TV when I was growing up. Generally, a mom and daughter would walk on the beach and discuss not feeling "fresh." I remember them being mocked on Saturday Night Live. Merely saying "that not so fresh feeling" can still evoke laughter with certain crowds.
While dumb douche commercials may be hilarious, douche really is no laughing matter. While I was in high school, my friend's mom (who was a nurse) would fly into a rage whenever she saw a douche ad. "Douching is like bathing a cat," she'd seethe. She explained that the chemical solutions strip the vagina of its natural lubricants, distorted the normal pH balance, and left the nether regions ripe for infections. "Don't ever use them," she needlessly cautioned us. (And definitely do not use douche as "protection" from unprotected sex – the fluids merely push sperm further up into the vagina.)
Not only is douche unhealthy, but it perpetuates the idea that vaginas and vulvas naturally smell bad. If the woman in the new Vagisil commercial can smell her crotch while fully clothed and standing in front of a mirror, she doesn't need a cream to cover it up – she needs a doctor to check it out. A woman who bathes on a regular basis and does not have a health issue should not worry about her snatch smelling like vagina. Vaginas should smell like vaginas, not like perfume.
What does douche smell like, anyway? Since I seem to have nothing more productive to do with my time, a few months ago, I did a small research project for my blog on the different douche scents that are still out there. I thought I'd find scents like Rose or Lilac. Little did I know that the latest trends in vaginal perfumes are head scratchers like "Tropical Rain," "Island Splash," and "Sweet Romance." Billychic fromThe Billychic Files and Ornery Woman commented on those weird "scents:"
Seriously...nothing gets me happier than the smell of lasagna or pizza...there you go. Pizza Cooter. If one has to douche, they could at least hook one up with that aromatic scent.
Jessica added:
I have always maintained that if women are douching because they want to smell "good" for their men - and want the men to enthusiastically eat the cooch - then douche should should smell like pretzels and BEER!
Personally, when interviewing new men, I want their favorite food to be sushi. Cuz I don't care what anyone says - a clean healthy snatch tastes like fresh oysters.
On a related post about douche equipment, Suebob noted, "You're just lucky they don't sell Soured Romance. Because that shit is nasty!" And that is the truth about all douche – it is nasty stuff. Women smell much better without it.
Douche is best used as the insult it is (such as, "Who's that douche who parked a U-Haul on the sidewalk, thus preventing me from reaching my apartment as there is no where to walk?!?!" which is what I thought on my way home from work tonight). It's bad for vaginal health and an affront to women, implying that our natural state of being is smelly and filthy. Ladies, for a happy hole, stay off the douche pipe!
Suzanne also blogs at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants
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Comments
Suzanne, I love you.
Like real love, not pretend, douchey Island Splash love, either. And I don't care who knows it.
The quotes are perfect, by the way.
Laurie
LaurieWrites
Right back atcha, Sweet Romance!
I really love the quotes, too! I've been thinking about how I can spread the wisdom of those women for months now.
Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants
My vote
would be for "Pizza Cooter"
And, I agree with Laurie, love you, love this post.
Beyond Help
Excellent post Suzanne!
This was a great post Suzanne. And I'm not talking about a douchey Island Splash kinda great...I'm talking about Rose and Lilac GREAT! :-)
Contributing Editor Catherine Morgan
CatherineBlogs, The Political Voices of Women, Care2 Election Blog
Eerie Timing...
I was just laughing (in a sad "I can's believe it" sort of way and out loud... people here stare at the red-headed foreigner anyway) while in the local grocery store because they had the douches (green tea scented of course) next to the skin bleaching products (very popular here). I thought to myself "What kind of message is this sending to the young girls here?"
"Change the scent of your snatch and the color of your skin in three easy steps!"
The warning label should include:
"Snatch may smell good but may also end up delivering tea scented three headed green babies in the future"
Ay yai yai.....
I haven't stooped laughing
I haven't stooped laughing since the Pizza Cooter remark.... I'm gonna tip over. :)
Green Tea, Island Splash
Does it scare anyone else that these are delicious-sounding drinks? (I picture Island Splash as some mixture of passion fruit and rum.) More important, I'm so glad that you all like the post (I feel like Sally Field right now), and you know I feel the same way about you ladies. It's a very fresh feeling.
Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants
Yes!
It is very scary.... once the "pizza cooter" wears off.....
Still laughing here in Shanghai.
Have a Very Fresh day! (or night wherever you are)
I see them at the store and
I see them at the store and they always whip my head around, like WHA? They still sell these? I like that there are giant warnings printed on the boxes now.
*I, Asshole*
I think i wet my pants
reading this post. god gods. hysterical.
oh, and right on, too.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com
What a great
name for a rock band, "Pizza Cooter".
Jim Heivilin
"Douche Bag" is my favorite insult!
Suzanne,
Thanks for another entertaining post! I laughed out loud and considering the day I'm having, that was a refreshing break...
On a serious note, one of your last comments--"[douche is] an affront to women, implying that our natural state of being is smelly and filthy"--got me thinking. How many companies rely on us feeling crappy about our bodies to sell more product? If we all loved our bodies the way they are, douche companies wouldn't be the only ones going out of business--the diet, health & beauty, pharmaceutical, and cosmetic surgery industries would suffer as well!
Think of the money we could save if we loved ourselves and accepted our bodies in their natural state.
Julie
Every time I walk by Sephora...
I think about how much money women spend on beauty products and how little men spend on handsome (?) products. This especially hurts since women tend to earn about 75-80% of what men do at the same job, and here we are spending our precious resources on things to enhance our looks. (If this sounds judgmental against women, I do not mean it to be. I don't blame anyone for wanting to look her best, especially given how we are often valued for our looks whether we like it or not.)
A while ago, I wrote something about how the economy is largely supported by making women hate their bodies. I was half kidding, but it is serious business, as you point out.
Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants
Pastry Scent
Fantastic post, Suzanne! I agree with the above comment too. I can't think of the last time I saw a commercial for douche. I don't remember seeing it in a really long time at the grocery store either, but then again I haven't been looking. I remember there being a giant display of it at that store called F&M (I may be getting the name wrong. It went out of business but it was by our town.) The display was so big it was practically up to the ceiling. Personally, with the guys I've dated including my hubby I think I would have to go for Cannoli Snatch since they are all dessert guys. The weird thing about douche is that although were not seeing ads for it, I bet that there are still young people out there think it can help prevent against pregnancy. It's funny how these old wives tales (hmmm...that seems a little strange to even use that phrase in a post on feminism) still pop out no matter how outdated they are and that they pop up in the younger generations.
Alex Elliot, Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting/a>
Cannoli is a perfect fit!
Now I can't stop laughing, either, and I'll never look at a cannoli the same way again. There's something about it being a tube stuffed with sweet cheese that makes it oddly more appropriate for a douche scent than, say, pizza or beer.
And I almost didn't include that line on how awful douche is at preventing pregnancy, but I'm glad I did because you are so right. There probably are desperate teens out there getting advice from outdated resources who need to know that douching after sex is about the worst thing one can do.
Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants
omg. this is hilarious and
omg. this is hilarious and so right on. thanks for nearly making me choke on my lunch. i needed a good laugh. :)
Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor
You go......
Why would you want to have anything to do with personal hygiene? While you're at it, why not stop wiping your rear as well. It's not only a lack of respect for your partner but even moreso a lack of respect for yourself. It's your body, and you're allowed to do with it whatever you want, or don't want.
Ahhhhh, feel the freedom. You've really earned it.
The freedom to be an anti-conformist has made you another stereotype.
Clearly, Tropical Rain...
No Sweet Romance here. Maybe manufacturers can come up with a troll scent in the future.
Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants
I Can't Believe They are Still Around
Wow, I remember those commercials. I honestly thought that was a product that died out a decade or so ago. I'd love to see their sales figures to see how many women are actually still buying this product. It must be a lot if they are still producing it. I'd also like to know the age group that is making the big buy.
If the commercials are making a come back I wonder if that means we are going to see a comeback in magazine articles - How to Have a Douche Party - Douching with Your Mate - 10 Reasons to Douche - Our Favorite Douche Scents - Douching on a Budget...
Moe
Big Girl Blue, M.E. Wood lens, Large and Lovely
"Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known." ~Nellie McClung, 1916