Don't go changin"
By danijane on November 09, 2012
'don't go changin' to try and please me; don't change the color of your hair,
"don't imagine you're too familiar, and I don't see you anymore.....
The prompt for today is "if you could change anything...what would it be"
Well, for everyone who knows me....I am divided on making my wish be about me or about my kids. Since it is completely theoretical, I will do both.
I would change my health condition. RA free. Starting today. Nope, not good enough. TURN BACK TIME. "if I could turn back time, if I could find a way..."
Remove the damage and ravage that has been done. Give me pretty hands. That is my want, wish, desire, and dream. Done. Period. End of story.
Now for my other change. Give my Grace full use of her right hand. Change the reality and results from her stroke.
I see what she can do and how fortunate she and WE are that the stroke did not take more from her. However, when I see what she wants to do and how some of it JUST IS NOT possible, it breaks my heart. In the great balancing act that is our universe, I know that many multitudes of people are suffering with so much more lack than we are. But as her mom, I want her to have it all. Yes, it could have been so much worse. Yes, she has made stunning progress. Yes she has not maxed out on the possibility of more function. But every day, there is at least one challenge that she faces and has to just suck it up. She cannot tie her own shoes. She cannot do her own hair. She cannot (always) zip up her own jacket. She cannot button anything. Think of a two handed job. She struggles with every single one of them.
She played soccer for 3 years. She had some talent. Yes, it is a predominantly foot sport. But even soccer became a challenge...throw ins...juggling...etc. FRUSTRATING! She had a dead on left-handed layup, but she will never play basketball on a team. She will probably never ride a bike until she is much older. That is because of balance as well as her right foot drop.
She is kind. She is intelligent. She is a lovely runner. That smile. A beauty. To me she is perfect. But if I could change anything.....
Tonight Grace will take the stage in front of a few hundred people. Just Grace and her friend, Rachel. They will perform a Lyrical Jazz routine. It is about 4 minutes long. It is very beautiful. It is also super challenging. One part has some big arm movements that showcase her lack of range of motion in her right arm. She has to do a backward shoulder roll, on the floor as well as hop on one foot, in a reverse attitude leap. WHAT??
Yes, she will be amazing. She has more promise and poise and bravery and will power than I ever had. She is more self-assured than her uncannily gifted sister.
So even though I am wishing she could be 100%...she is so much more than 100% already.
I do not like these "what if" assignments. What if's have no place in my life. I worry about plenty without adding a stack of what if's to my worry cycle.
My daughter is brilliant. My daughter is special. My daughter will change the world. She started doing so the day she was born and she is touching lives and making a difference every day. She shows me what true human spirit is.
And no matter what...
Break a leg my sweet. Your biggest fan is in the audience.
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