The don'ts of picking up guys

*This has been edited from the original post. I took out all the naughty words.*

When i have to work really early in the morning or really late at night (the joys of working in a hospital and being a one car family...for the time being) I utilize the awesome PAT buses.

Last week I saw some things that just made me shake my head.

Here are some pointers for you single ladies about picking up men. The do's and don'ts. Mainly the don'ts

Okay it's all don'ts.

1.) Bus stops.

Don't.

I thought that was common sense. How the hell is he going to take you out?

"Hey baby I'ma pick you up, but, uh, we gots ta take the bus to McyDonalds. Hope you don't mind. You can order whatever you want off the dolla menu. You down?"

Come on now. How the heck is that romantic? How the heck are you going to get it on in the back seat?

Here's a hint.

You're not

2.) Bars.

Don't.

When you're drunk and he asks to take you home at last call it's not for deep, meaningful conversation or to discuss your cat Fluffy's hangnail. It's for something deep though...deep in the vagina. Keep that in mind, buttercup.

3.)Facebook/MySpace (that place apparently still exists)/ Okcupid/ or any other shady dating site

Do I REALLY need to explain WHY that's a bad idea? Unless your vagina is as open as Point State Park don't do it. It's like going on Craigslist personals section for a serious relationship. You're not going to find it.

4.) The Casino

Come on now. He's there to GAMBLE AWAY HIS MONEY! He's throwing away his money. THROWING AWAY HIS MONEY! No! There are signs posted everywhere about gambling problems. Just turn around and walk away. If a man tries to talk to you put your hand up and stop him before he gets started...or let him buy you a drink. Don't go to a room with him. Don't get invested. Let him buy you a drink. That's it. Remember...HE'S THROWING AWAY HIS MONEY! ACK!

5.) The strip club

Another woman has her hoo hah in his face. If she or they all know him by name or he knows them by name....that's a red flag the size of Russia. Unless your okay with naked women rubbing up on your man. If Riley frequented those places before, during, or after we were together well we wouldn't be together. With the way some of those places look I'd be afraid of catching an STD just by looking at their stripper pole. 

6.) Hotels and conventions

9 x's out of 10 men in hotel bars/restaurants and  attending conventions are in town for a week or weekend and probably have a wife and family back home. Don't be a home wrecking whore. And if by some miraculous chance they DON'T have a wife and kids...you're a weekend bone. Unless you're into the weekend fling (Which can be fun. Hell sometimes you need a good boning just to get it out of your system...just DON'T DO IT WITH A MARRIED MAN OR WOMAN! MAKE SURE THEY ARE SINGLE!) it's really eh. Of course you could always set it up so when they have their conventions in your town you become an annual weekend fling. That's hot as. Get drunk and bone al weekend.

If you're seeking out Mr. Right. That is not your scene. Avoid it like the plague.

7.) Funerals

WTF! Years ago in the early months of Riley and I's dating my grandfather passed away. He was a vet. A Marine. Riley looked up to him. Riley is a Marine. A vet himself. While grieving for my grandfather, whom I was very close to, this guy (grandson of one of his war buddies) tried to hit on me. Um no. If you want to talk about one of the most inappropriate places to pick up a woman, well that's it.

Women...don't take that shit. Don't be flattered by a man who tries to fucking hit on you while you grieve!

8.) Weddings

It's just uncomfortable. We women gush. Men dread it. They'll take advantage and fuck you. Then most likely disappear. If you're up for a quicky go for it! Otherwise...eh no. Don't do it!

9.) Work

Drama. Need I say more?

10.) AA/NA meetings

Obviously the two of you already have issues you need to work out before you start dating. And if you both have those specific issues in common ehhhh I'm not a therapist or counselor but mmaaayyybbeeee it would be wise to not date someone who could talk you into doing them again. So I'm going to have to say put on the brakes and say no.

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