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Sparkle (3)
In this largely mobile world, the holidays usually involve traveling to someone's home. As though the indignity of body scans and being herded like cattle weren't enough, you now have to contend with being a guest in someone else's home.
If you're lucky, you're staying at your parents' house, which you know fairly well, and whose inhabitants you can easily manage. If you're not so lucky, you're staying at your significant other's parents' house, which you don't know that well -- if at all -- and whose inhabitants must see you at your best at all times.
"Couple traveling" via Shutterstock.
The pressure is on. I'm telling you, the market for Xanax-coated candy canes is huge. Since that's never happening and since staying barricaded at home isn't much of an option (believe me, I've tried), I have done my best to assemble a quick guide to make your relationship holiday-proof.
PACKING
If you're going to your parents', let your significant other know some of the traditions involved: is dinner formal? Is there a Christmas Eve cocktail party? Do you go sledding on Christmas Day? Scuba diving? In my family, we dress up in costumes. Humans are a strange species – don't forget that. Even if you're nationals of the same country, always remember that what is natural to you may be totally foreign to someone outside the family. The more you tell them, the easier it is for them to pack.
If you're going to your significant other's parents', ask what kind of activities to expect. Check the weather forecast to get an idea of what to pack. Keep your wardrobe simple and tasteful. Don't be afraid to be casual. Being overdressed is equal a sin as being under-dressed, in my opinion.
And FYI, unless you're coming over to my parents' house for Christmas, leave your pair of Alexander McQueen armadillo shoes and ainsley-t plug pumps at home. Your love of aggressive fashion has a place. Your boyfriend's family's Christmas dinner is not it.
If I learned anything from my stint as a wife, it's this: it's not about you. If you're a guest, you're there to shower your hosts in attention, delight their other guests with interesting conversation, and make yourself useful around the house. If you are hosting, you're there to ensure your guests have a marvelous time, discretely diffuse whatever issues may arise, and look very graceful on the surface as you paddle like hell underneath.
So, as a guest, whether it's your parents' or your significant other's parents', pack in a way that will not call attention away from your hosts.
It's always appropriate to bring something. If you don't feel comfortable bringing gifts because you don't yet know your hosts, ask what you may bring when you RSVP. If the answer is “nothing, darling!” and your significant other isn't any help, a bottle of something is always appropriate. If it's an alcohol-free household, you can always go with a bottle of soft apple cider.
ACCOMMODATIONS
In the ideal world, an invitation to spend the holidays with family includes a stay at a fabulous boutique hotel so you don't have to deal with any relatives after dinner. I don't know too many of us who live in said world – especially after the economy seriously ate it in 2007 – and to be honest, I've grown used to the madness and come to cherish it as a part of the event.
If you're staying with your significant other's family, ask whether you're staying at the family home or you need to make other arrangements. If you're staying at the house, it helps to avoid surprises to ask your partner whether you will be staying in the same room or if you're playing it super conservative.
If he or she doesn't know, feel it out once you get there. The parents may have had the guest room made up for you. If you're told that you're staying in your significant other's childhood room and you're not entirely sure whether that means he or she will be staying with you, ask your partner to clarify by asking whether the couch needs to be made up.
It's always acceptable to insist on taking the couch. Especially if his family appears to be very conservative. Two things with this: use your intuition and don't make a fuss. You don't want your plans to come off as a very appropriate young lady to result in a logistical nightmare for your hosts. Your significant other is your greatest ally here. Use his or
