Drum roll of anxiety and excitement...
The other day, I noticed somebody's chatter said something about looking forward to a trail hike with a friend on an unknown trail and I thought to myself, "that does sound fun."
This doesn't sound like much, but it is! Not very long ago, the thought of going on a hike or a walk or anything physical in an unfamiliar place was just plain stressful. I didn't have any faith in my body to take me through unfamiliar territory or up hills that were too steep or over terrain that was too long or through weather systems that were too temperamental.
But now I do.
My body still has a ways to go, but I love the glimmers of health that are coming from it. I like looking down at my legs when I bike and seeing my legs looking like a biker. I like running and seeing my arms pumping evenly by my sides. I like swimming and feeling the stretch and the strength of my stride. Of course, these moments are all quick and fleeting, but they are there and beneath it all, I have some faith in my body to carry me through things.
Tomorrow is my first ever triathlon. It's a mini triathlon totalling only thirteen miles, but it seems like the perfect length to me. I can do each of the components and I can do two of the components side by side without a problem. I don't really think adding in a third is going to rock me too much.
I've always been a bit reserved and tend to hang back a bit. When I'm running or biking or swimming, I see this in how I do not go all out. I'm scared of not having enough in reserve so I stay at a pace I can do. This means I'm not worried about finishing, but yet, I'd kinda like to see my rise to the occasion a bit and not just succumb to anxiety and stress. I want to enjoy the race and I want to do well.
So...my goals for tomorrow in which I can reasonably expect without dying and for which I can reasonably hope for (if I'm at my best):
Swimming one mile - 55 minutes (hoped for is 45 - this is a stretch. I should hope for 48 instead)
Running four miles - 56 minutes (hoped for is 48)
Biking eight miles - 56 minutes (hoped for is 40)
Of course, there are the transition times and all that stuff, but hopefully I can figure out a way to time my actual racing parts. It is exciting.
And there is some anxiety. But it's a good healthy anxiety.
And, I am also finding myself looking forward to running and biking next week without the anxiety of a triathlon hanging over my head. So that's a good thing too.