As much time as I spend on the internet, it was bound to happen eventually—I found the holy grail of inflated, delusional male egos. And, I laughed my ass off!

Site: PUAster.theadonismethod.com (PUA=Pick Up Artist)
Guy: “The Fabled Adonis”

Article: How I Consistently Get Same Night Lays (HA!)

Honestly, why would anyone take advice from a man-freak whose turn-ons include: “Eyeliner, Getting my junk waxed, Menstruation, Mixology, Hookers with missing front teeth, Film, Boobies. . .”

Yeah, nice eyeliner Cat in the Hat. Oh, and the drag queen store wants its feather boa back.

The pinnacle of the PUAster experience however is the latest blog entry by Adonis (which I swear has to be a total work of fiction, who would sleep with this guy?):

How I Consistently Get Same Night Lays
Posted On: 06/05/2008 16:00:52

Here are some of my favorite excerpts (and my commentary, of course), read on as I continue giggling and snorting:

First off, the recurring thought pattern going through my mind when I'm
interacting with a woman is this: "Given that this woman wants to sleep with me, how can I get the logistics necessary to make this happen?"

(Sure, she wants to sleep with you, right after she gets drunk, high and has a lobotomy)

So what can we do to inoculate her against these "real" objections?

 (ZOMG, I’m pretty sure any woman who sleeps with you needs to be inoculated against whatever disease you’re likely carrying. Perhaps syphilis?)

Think of a story for each consequence that will demonstrate that the objection isn't a concern with the 2 of you. For example, for Consequence #4, I like to talk about my religious sister's friends and how they can't seem to keep quiet about things. "I mean sure, I hooked up with one of them and it happened quite naturally, despite all her religious indoctrination against having sex. But what was strange, and I find this happens quite often with women, is a few days later I received a call from another friend who apparently talked to the girl I slept with about our little tryst...and now SHE wanted to hang out....and then I got another call and another...and then I get a call from my sister saying how disappointed she is that all her friends won't stop talking about me and what's been happening between me and her friends...I did end up "hanging out" with a lot of these girls, but to this day my sister is reluctant bring any of girl friends around me. I don't understand why women have to tell everyone they know about what happens between the 2 of us. I mean, I don't go off telling even my best friends about this kind of thing...even though I might have 1 or 2 really good strories to tell *wink*"

(Oh, but you’ll tell the entire INTERNET? Holy fuckballs! You really think a story about all these “religious women” you’ve supposedly slept with is reassuring and will be a deal closer? Sorry dude, you’re so going to hell. Here, use my handbasket.)

Take a look at this pic. Adonis is the one on the far left. He’s actually a short, pudgy, eyeliner wearing GEEK! In my book, (and to steal a favorite line from Seinfeld) he’s so NOT SPONGE WORTHY.

Ladies please, let this be a warning—DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.