Duplo Mom Expert Mary from Owlhaven wants to know how you foster determination and self-esteem in your children.

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This week we welcome Mary from OwlHaven wants to know how you can foster determination and self-esteem in your children.

The other day I was helping a child with a math assignment.  She was frustrated, grumpy.  She felt the problem was beyond her ability, and was more than a little miffed that I was expecting her to solve it.   

The quick and easy solution would have been to whip out my pencil.  Tada, solved.  But I knew the problem was just one tiny step beyond what she already had mastered.  If I gave her the answer, I would deprive her of the eventual satisfaction of mastery.  What she needed was the tiniest of hints coupled with a gentle nudge to think just a moment or two longer.  That is what I gave her, and sure enough, a minute later, she had a solution on her page—and a smile on her face.

So many times in parenting it can be tempting to just give the answer, read the word,  do the chore for a child.  It’s quicker for us. It’s easier for them. 

But if we are truly raising our kids to be INDEPENDENT adults—sometime in the future that’s the goal, right? --- then we need to allow them times of struggle.   Times to flail around and be uncertain and frustrated and downright cranky.  Always we need to be willing to give hints, coax a little more effort.  And yes, sometimes they’re going to need something simply handed to them.  But what kids gain through struggle and effort and just plain WORKING at something is way more than just a momentary victory over a math problem. 

They’re learning that persistence and work pays off.  That dogged effort – simply plowing through-- can take people places they didn’t think they could go. Yes, even when life seems difficult and frustrating and downright impossible. 

I don’t know another way to learn that lesson other than by simply doing the work, putting in the time and sweat and yes, sometimes even tears.

What do you think?  Has difficulty taught you valuable lessons in life? Why do you think we as parents are sometimes afraid of allowing our kids that same chance to learn?

And – final question-- why do I suddenly have that old Queen song running through my head?

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Mary is the mom to 10 kids.  She writes at Owlhaven and the other day was inordinately pleased to find her cookbook at Costco.

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