DWTS All Stars Week 5: Gilles Marini in a Towel - That is All You Need to Know.

Because of the Presidential debates, there were no eliminations on DWTS this week. (OK, ABC, but I’m not sure how the debates fit into that decision, but I’ll go with it.)  Instead, they had the eight finalists perform a “guilty pleasures” dance each night (4 per night), along with two team freestyles.

Team “Call Me Maybe” performed their group dance Monday night, and their individual dances on Tuesday, while Team “Gangnam Style” danced their guilty pleasures on Monday and the team dance on Tuesday.

Let’s start with the group dances because they were memorable in their own ways.

Team “Call Me Maybe”

Team “Call Me Maybe” was comprised of Shawn Johnson, Melissa Rycroft, Disney Kid Sabrina Bryan and Apolo Anton Ohno.  As the highest scoring couple the previous week, Shawn and Derek were the captains of Team “Call Me Maybe” where they went back to high school as cheerleaders and football players – if cheerleaders were in their 30s and football players strutted onto the field doing “the Pony.”  If Emmitt Smith was on that team, he’d be all, “Oh, hell no.”  The only person on who looked legit like a cheerleader/teenager was Shawn Johnson, because, at 4’9”, she freakin’ is one.  The rest looked like bad Halloween costumes.  Not since 30-year-old Gabrielle Carteris tried to pass herself off as a high school yearbook editor on “Beverly Hills 90210” has there been a less believable group of “high schoolers.”  (Anyone else think Gabrielle Carteris could stand-in for Shawn Johnson’s mom?  I smell a Hallmark Channel movie! “A Gymnast for Christmas.”  You’re welcome.)

Melissa hurt her neck in rehearsal but was highly medicated, so it was all good.

Shawn had a fear of being dropped on her face, which was not unfounded, as she was dropped on her face during rehearsals.  The judges loved it and awarded them a team score of 29.5/30.  It really “took you back to high school.”  Sure, if high school was a purple and white nightmare filled with middle aged people.

Team “Gangnam Style”

Team Gangnam Style didn’t even try to compete for technical scores – they just wanted to have fun.  Gilles and Peta were captains of the team that included Kirstie Alley, Emmitt Smith and Kelly Monaco.  They all wore these bright frilly suits and the women had weird bowl cuts.   The routine was a freakin’ free-for-all, and I loved every minute of it!  During the solos, each couple ripped off their suits to reveal – a variety of workout clothes.  (Except for Gilles and Peta, who were clad in barely-there towels).  As they galloped, a wind machine blew packing peanuts, Silly String and toilet paper at them.  It was completely ridiculous.  Bruno asked for Gilles’ towel, and he obliged.  What a fantastic mess!

Team score: 27/30

Kelly and Val performed a so-so samba to “Want You Back.”  Work and rehearsals were starting to take their toll on Kelly, who was dressed like an extra in Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” video (think black leather bustier and lots of tulle).  It was too raunchy for Len, but Bruno seemed to enjoy it, calling her a “tasty tease.”  Carrie Ann was unimpressed: “Good try.”

Score:  24.5/30 (Total: 51.5/60)

Gilles and Peta danced the rumba to his guilty pleasure, “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston.  Things we learned: Gilles chose this song because he was 15-years-old when it came out and he had “great timing with the ladies.”  Also, Peta snorts when she laughs.  Carrie Ann was pretty hot and bothered at the end of the song, shouting, “Let the baby making begin!” and … promptly fell off her chair.

Score: 29.5/30 (Total: 56.5)

Kirstie and Maks performed a quickstep to “Mrs. Robinson.”  Carrie Ann said it was Kirstie’s best dance by miles.  (Her carriage was lifted!)  And Len added that she  “danced to the “Maks-imum!”  *groan*

Score: 25.5/30 (Total: 52.5)

Emmitt and Cheryl did a samba to Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana,” complete with inflatable parrots.  Carrie Ann said Emmitt had the “samba swagger.”  He always looks like he’s having fun.

Score: 29/30 (Total: 56/60)

Melissa and Tony tangoed to Britney Spears’ “Toxic” and Melissa didn’t re-injure herself.  It was solid, nothing terribly exciting to report.

Score: 27/30 (Total: 56.5/60)

Shawn and Derek chose “My Heart Will Go On” for their rumba.  Showing emotion made Shawn uncomfortable so Derek had to dress like Leonardo DiCaprio (complete with the “Titanic” haircut and suspenders).  At the end of the dance, he slid off the stage, going “overboard” into the fog.  I was slightly disappointed when he came back.

Score: 27/30 (Total: 56.5/60)

Apolo and Karina performed the samba to “Give it to Me Baby” by Rick James and he wore this freaky leopard print silk shirt that he really seemed to enjoy.  They made a really big deal about doing something called samba rolls.  Carrie Ann hit the nail on the head when she said, “Something’s not quite right.”  (Ya think?)

Score: 27/30 (Total: 56.5/60)

Not surprisingly, the Disney Kid chose to perform a waltz dressed like Cinderella.  Bruno mimicked Sabrina’s arm flailing, prompting Tom Bergeron to compare Bruno’s impression to a windsock on a used car lot.  Two words: Dead on.

Score: 29/30 (Total: 58.5/60)

Next Monday is Country Week – who should go home?  Let me know in the comments.  Yee-haw!

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