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I didn't really plan on reading Committed, Elizabeth Gilbert's latest book. I'll admit I initially liked Eat, Pray, Love (I understand why so many people did not), but the bigger and bigger it got, the more and more it irritated me, as did the author. Yet this past weekend I sat down and read Committed. Why? Like Gilbert, I too didn't think I'd get married. But I did.
I've never been someone who dreamed of marriage or a wedding. In fact, the thought of a having my own wedding practically makes me break out in hives. I did hope that I'd find someone to share my life with, but marriage didn't have to go along with it. In fact, I was pretty sure it wouldn't. I did not, and still do not, think that marriage is necessarily the only, or best, way for two people to share their lives together. I wasn't entirely opposed to getting married, I just didn't (and still don't) think that it was requirement for me to have a happy life.
I knew that Gilbert staunchly did not want to get married again after she divorced her first husband, and I knew that she had found someone to share her life with who felt the same way. Furthermore, she was very up front about the fact that marriage was neither her nor her partner Felipe's first choice -- that they were getting married because they felt they had no other choice. Felipe had been denied entry to the United States (yes, he had a visa, but a visa is not a guarantee) and would not be allowed back in unless they were to get married. They wanted to live together, in the United States, and in order to do that, get married they must. Her book was her way of examining marriage, what it meant to society, what it meant to her and what her new marriage could be.
The more I heard about Committed they more my curiosity grew. I thought a lot about marriage before I took the plunge, but nothing like the amount of thinking Gilbert did. I didn't study how it changed throughout history. I didn't read studies that looked at different factors for why marriage succeeded or not, because honestly that wasn't my concern. I was concerned only with whether or not marriage was the best option for me, my partner and our relationship.
Those of you that didn't like Eat, Pray, Love probably won't like Committed. Anyone who thought that she was self-indulgent certainly won't like Committed. At one point, she confesses that she requires from Felipe (or any partner) "an amount of devotional attention that would have made Marie Antoinette blush." If you are looking for an answer to why you, or anyone, should get married, you probably won't find it here.
Committed is Gilbert's very personal reflections on marriage and what it means. It's her own quest to resolve herself to the fact that despite what both she and Felipe really wanted, they are going to have to get married. Now, they didn't really have to get married, of course. They could have moved to another country. They could have split up. But in order to live the life they wanted, together and close to Gilbert's family in the United States, marriage was their only option.
Some people will say the fact that they were both so resistant to marriage spells their doom. I think I have to disagree. It's not that I think that they will necessarily stay together until death do they part (I don't know that I think that about most couples that marry, to be honest) but I don't think the fact that they didn't want marriage means that they will eventually split. They had already committed to one another before the day that Felipe was refused entry to the U.S.A. They had pledged their own personal vows to each other and even given each other rings. Commitment wasn't their problem or fear. Marriage was their fear.
Both of them had been burned by their first marriages. They were financially, emotionally and spiritually broken by their divorces and never wanted to go through that again. They worked out their life together in a way that blended their lives while shielding them both from some of the actions of divorce that had crushed them previously. When it became clear that they would marry they spend a lot of time hashing out their prenuptial agreement. I
