By TheJessElaine on May 05, 2013
I always envied the girls who could just wake up beautiful. You know, like those girls at church camp who wouldn't shower for 4 days and still have perfectly curly curls, unlike me, who would wake up with my usually perfectly curled C shape bangs sticking straight up and the rest of my hair stringy like last weeks' spaghetti.
I didn't get it then, and I still don't get it now? Why in the world is beauty for some so darn simple?
WHY do some girls have perfectly brown eyebrows and eyelashes, so that they don't have to wear mascara or play eyebrow connect the dots (and color in) so that they aren't mistaken for a Conehead alien?
WHY do some girls have hair that will grow for days, when my hair is thin like Dwight Yokam ghost hair, and takes for-EVE-er to grow, except for in the back? My hair rocks it in the back (I was genetically predispositioned for a lifetime of unintentional mullets).
WHY do I have SO MUCH HAIR everywhere else besides my head? And WHY is it coming in only the way that Grandma's whiskers should? Just because it's blonde doesn't mean it isn't hard to deal with. Remember, Pipe Cleaners come in white too...
WHY am I physically unable to A. paint my own nails without looking like I'm seizing while doing so, and B. After they are painted make it more than 5 minutes without ruining my "artwork"?
WHY does my skin reject sunlight absorbing only enough to push my freckles out of hiding, but leaving the rest of my body to glow and burn, peel and come back you guessed it... Porcelain?
None of theses questions are able to be answered by anyone except for God, and frankly, I'm pretty sure he's busy with other things, so until the day I die, I'll be sticking with my beauty regimen of tweezing, drawing, applying, treating and faux tanning my buns, not too much, but just enough to make it look effortless.
Because at the end of the day, the only person who sees me without all of my fixins' is legally bound to me. You know the whole "can't eat, can't sleep over the fence word series kinda stuff", Until death do us part...Forever and Ever Amen (whoa, a Dwight Yoakam and Randy Travis reference in this post...I mean should we try a Judds reference as well?) situation, regardless of how scary transparent eyebrows may look in the light of early dawn.
I mean, we all wake up beautiful* in our own way, right?
*In this post I have chosen to define the word beautiful as someone who is alive and breathing. It's my blog so therefore I have the freedom to create my own definitions. Sorry, but I'm not sorry.
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